Sports Night
Shane

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Daniel: B | 3 USERS: A
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Shane

Jeremy and Natalie are at Anthony's; Natalie is staring at a spoon, which she says she's going to steal because she doesn't think she's going to be punished. "When did people start eating a lot of hummus?" says Jeremy, like he's George Costanza all of a sudden. But Natalie is STILL working over this hell business. She outlines a scenario in which she gets hauled down to the station house after stealing the spoon, loses her job, has no money. "You'd get another job," says Jeremy. "Not with my rap sheet," says Natalie. That was kind of funny, despite the overarching annoyingness of this. "Today it's a spoon, tomorrow it's a bank," she says. "You're going to steal a bank?" Okay, that was funny, too, but Natalie gets annoyed and says loudly, "I'm going to ROB a bank," startling all the nearby extras. Jeremy turns to them and says, "She's actually not going to rob a bank. This is just sort of a hypothetical flight of fancy. Resume your late-night socializing." Jeremy apparently decides enough is enough and decides to get stern with her. I hope this doesn't turn her on or anything. He says that fear of punishment has never kept her from committing crimes, instead, she knows it's wrong. "So hell isn't a Hieronymus Bosch painting. What do you care? You weren't going there anyway." Natalie says, "Okay." What? That's it? Problem solved! Dan should drop Abby and get therapy from Jeremy.

Hey, that kind of rhymes. "Therapy from Jeremy." Dig it.

Up by the bar, Casey sees Shane come into the bar. Shane says, "You suck, man, you know that?" So I'm guessing the interview has aired. Casey tries to explain, but Shane asks him if it was fun for him to mess with him like that. Dana strolls up behind Casey. "I should never have made that promise," says Casey. "Truth is, I don't have that kind of authority on the show and I pretended like I did." He offers to buy Shane a beer. Uh, $91 million, Casey -- he can buy his own beer. Not that a pro athlete should be expected to pick up the tab all the time, but I was having beers with Sheldon Souray (with the New Jersey Devils at the time, traded to the Montreal Canadiens last year) and a few other guys, and Sheldon picked up the first couple of rounds and I thought that wasn't fair, that I'd hate it if I were a professional athlete and people automatically expected me to pick up the tab, so when the next round came I tried to get it, but Sheldon wouldn't let me. And I argued about it but he said, "No, I have to do it." And it impressed me. It wasn't a show-off thing at all; it was like he felt slightly embarrassed about it (making as much money as he does), and picking up a $12 round of drinks whenever he can helps him feel less guilty about it. Or something. I think I would be much the same way if I made an NHL salary. ["Ohhhh, so now we're complaining about the pay at MBTV? Fine. No, that's fine." -- Sars]

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