Sports Night
Small Town

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Daniel: B- | Grade It Now!
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Unconfirmed retorts

Shoutout to Ryan.

DANIEL: Sars, I can't concentrate on doing a recap right now. The Expos just fired Felipe Alou.
SARS: What's a Felipe Alou?
DANIEL: The manager of the Expos. You know. Baseball.
SARS: Oh, him. They still have baseball in Montreal?
DANIEL: Yes. Kind of. But Felipe is gone.
SARS: Okay, but it's not like he's dead or anything.
DANIEL: Feels like it. But my heart will go on.
SARS: I'm hanging up now.
DANIEL: Wait! It's just, you know, June and the hockey playoffs are still on and so are the NBA playoffs and now this. It's all a bit much for me.
SARS: What are you, twelve?
DANIEL: I'm sitting here trying to write and I can't do it. I'm blocked.
SARS: Write another one of your patented sad love-life stories. That could get you going.
DANIEL: That might work.
ASHLEY JUDD: Daniel, come back to bed.
DANIEL: Yeah, that works.
SARS: Was that Ashley Judd?
DANIEL: Sure, why not? Gotta go.
SARS: [Sighing.] Okay, now that your inspiration has returned, I'm expecting a recap.
DANIEL: I won't let MBTV down. [Hangs up]
ASHLEY JUDD: MBTV? Was that Wing Chun?
DANIEL: She's like Wing Chun, only meaner. Now, come here, Ashley Judd.

Show fades up on Dan talking about an upcoming boxing match in Vegas, and he makes a "joke" about how he understands they recently legalized gambling there. And we're out of the gate! Dana tells Dan to fill for fifteen seconds. "Thinking" quickly, he says, "Our producer, Dana Whitaker, has asked me to fill for fifteen seconds, but I honestly don't have anything to say," and we can hear Dana saying, "Dan!" in his earpiece as Dan says, "She's begging me now." I'm thankful that it was only fifteen seconds he had to fill, because I couldn't have taken this "hilarity" for another moment. I mean, I've used quotation marks ironically three times already this recap. Dan throws to Casey's stupid rectangle head and Casey signs off, breaking the news to the viewers that he's off tomorrow but he'll be back on Friday. I love how broadcasters feel the need to tell people when they're not working, like when you turn on the news and a guest anchor introduces him or herself and says, "Such-and-such is off tonight," just in case we couldn't tell they're off by the fact that, you know, they're not there. Anyway, the show's over. Casey says, "Here's the thing," which by now we know means that it's time for a Casey Problem. But before we get to it, we have to back into it by Casey saying he doesn't have to take the night off, but Danny thinks that when his turn comes up in the rotation, he should take it, and he translates Casey's willingness to forego his night off as Casey actually being a big wuss who wants to get out of a date.

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