Wing Chun asks me if I would do a recap for Mighty Big TV and she thinks I’d be good to do Sports Night. I ask her if it’s because I’m a journalist with a deft writing style and a vast knowledge of sports. Wing Chun says she has to refer me to Sars. I ask Sars the same thing and Sars tells me that I’m the only person she knows with a subscription to Sports Illustrated and that it’s "kind of neat" that I have the same name as one of the characters on Sports Night. Sars says, "You could work that into the recap, like, ‘Whoa! Danny has the same name as me!’ That would be pretty cute." I don’t say anything and the silence grows increasingly awkward. Then Sars says they’ll pay me and I tell her I’d be honoured to write for Mighty Big TV.
This episode starts off with the screen just black and the title "Sports Night" and you hear someone counting down the seconds until airtime, a la Larry Sanders.
Then the picture comes on and there’s Dan and there’s a guy who isn’t Casey sitting at the desk and suddenly we are not actually in the studio watching "Sports Night" on Sports Night but watching a television set, and the camera pulls back and there’s a man and a woman watching the intro, and the woman turns and it’s Pixley. She says to the guy, "I just went on a date with one of those guys," which isn’t at all true, she went out with Casey, who apparently has the night off tonight. The guy is wearing this ugly grey turtleneck that gives me flashbacks to stupid itchy clothes of my childhood. He says "from Sports Night?" and Pixley says, "Yeah," and Turtleneck says, "You’re kidding," and Pixley says, "No." Pixley and Turtleneck are in a bar and they get their drinks and the bar is very crowded, except there’s no lineup in front of Pixley and Turtleneck and when they walk back to their table no one has stolen their seats. Turtleneck wants to know which Sports Night guy Pixley dated and wonders if it was Dan, and suddenly Pixley is acting like she’d rather not talk about it even though she brought it up, but admits, "It’s the one the guy on the right’s filling in for tonight." His name is Casey, Pixley. Turtleneck says, "You dated Casey," which Pixley qualifies as "a date," and Turtleneck says, "You dated Casey McCall" like it’s a Major Accomplishment. Now Pixley reduces it to "half a date." Turtleneck says he is a "Sports Night nut" and makes this weird eyes-bugging-out face. Meanwhile, all these people are walking in front of the camera to the extent that I was shifting my body and craning my neck to see around them because I was worried about missing this scintillating dialogue between Pixley and Turtleneck. Turtleneck asks if Casey is a good guy, and Pixley warningly says, "Turtleneck, don’t you think this time would be best spent talking about you? Or even me?" and she’s smiling and trying to be nice about it, and I have to say she’s really cute. But Turtleneck asks her one more time if she went on a date with Casey, which I thought had already been established. This time, though, Pixley is starting to look annoyed. Turtleneck asks if she’s going to see Casey again, not in a jealous way, but in a hopeful way. Pixley, annoyed, says, "No, I am not. There are few guarantees in this life, but here’s one. I will never see Casey McCall again."
Gee, I wonder what will happen next.