Sports Night
The Sword Of Orion

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B+ | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
This is the worst trip / I've ever been on

We are welcomed to the show by the dulcet tones of Kim giving the "five minutes to air" call and summoning the first team to the studio. And I'm a lot more encouraged by this episode already, because Dan and Casey stroll out of their office announcing to themselves and everyone in the general vicinity that they are pumped and that their pumpitude is "excellent," and you just know this is going to get annoying before long, but it's preferable to the crabbiness and bored looks we've been greeted with more often than not lately. Dan and Casey start talking about how "five minutes to air" are the best words in the English language. No, the best words in the English language are "No, go ahead and watch the hockey game. I can watch Ally McBeal next week. And since I'm up, can I get you a beer?" Of course, by saying that, I've probably ruined any chance I have of hearing those words for some time. Casey then says "five minutes to air" in French, Spanish, and German (the latter prompting Danny to say, "Now you're just showing off"). This little dialogue exchange reveals a flaw in so, so many sportscasters: they're failed jocks. I don't mean has-been jocks -- failed jocks. Dan and Casey compare the rush of showtime to the rush of game time. Yeah, tackling people and reading aloud about other people tackling people are the exact same thing. Dan asks Casey if Orlando Rojas pitched this afternoon, but Casey doesn't know. Dan asks Natalie, but she doesn't know either. "Thank God none of us work in sports!" yells Dan, because I guess it's okay for him to not know, but not anyone else. As the guys sit down at the desk, Natalie asks if they've heard from Jeremy, who's gone to his parents' house. They haven't. She heard from him the first night, but not last night or today. Dan says Jeremy's probably just busy and Natalie accepts that, even though she looks like she's just this side of freaking out. Casey, ever the sensitive man, says, "Maybe he met another woman and forgot all about you." He changes his tune, however, when Natalie offers to jam a No. 2 pencil up his nose. Up his nose is probably the only place it'd fit.

In the control room, Chris gives a heads-up that they're two hours ahead of Baja California. Will says they're three hours ahead. Elliot points out that Baja California isn't on Daylight Savings Time. Kim says "the whole country is on Daylight Savings Time." I get a little messed up here, because for the first time ever we didn't get one line from each Tertiary Character before a TC gets a second line, as we go back to...Chris, who says, "Baja California isn't in this country," and Dave speaks, so his agent can probably stop yelling at Sorkin to give him some dialogue already, and what Dave says is, "California isn't in this country?" and Chris is totally hogging all the lines here as he says, "Baja California isn't in California," and we all learn (or maybe some of us already knew) that Baja California is in Mexico, but I could hardly pay attention to that, because I happen to live in the one province in Canada that doesn't practise Daylight Savings Time, Saskatchewan, and you have no idea what a controversial idea it is here. Every so often someone suggests adopting Daylight Savings Time for a variety of reasons, usually having to do with gaining longer nights to play baseball and golf in the summer, and someone else gets their back up over it for a variety of reasons, ranging from "why should we change" to "it's confusing." Yes. Setting your clocks back or forward one hour twice a year is so confusing that an entire continent has been able to manage it for decades, including Alabama.

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Sports Night

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