Sports Night

Episode Report Card
admin: B | Grade It Now!
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly
As this show starts, Will and Chris are discussing the spelling irregularities in the names of Atlanta Braves outfielder Andruw Jones and sports commentator Cris Collinsworth, and Kim gets in on the act so it goes on for a little while, and this would be annoying except news outlets do sometimes fret over details like that -- as well they should, I suppose, although in the case of one desker at work the other day who spent the better part of half an hour trying to determine whether the N in "Guns 'N Roses" is capitalized, sometimes energy can be better spent in more productive areas, like, say, laying out pages that don't have any stories mentioning Guns 'N Roses.

Elliot wonders aloud why there's a twenty-pound frozen turkey up on the light grid. Sure, it's the tubby guy who sniffs out the food up there. Dan, walking from the set to the control room, repeats Elliot's question to Dana. She says it's twenty-four pounds, like maybe she could have actually answered the damn question. So of course Elliot comes in and now wants to know why there's a twenty-four-pound turkey on the light grid. Dana says she's thawing it out. "Anybody got a problem with that?" she asks, a little snippily, if you ask me. All the Tertiary Characters say it's fine, and Elliot just kind of shrugs and walks away, knowing full well that if anyone else had put a turkey up there, Dana would have been pretty pissed.

So Dana and Natalie starts speaking in hushed tones, because Dana will explain to her buddy Natalie what she's doing but doesn't have the courtesy to tell her staff. Apparently Dana's holding a dry run for Thanksgiving, which is a week away. Her family is coming to visit, and Dana has never cooked for eighteen people before. Kim starts yammering on about how Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks. Well, there's that little mystery solved; I have always wondered exactly what that cryptic word "Thanksgiving" was supposed to express. Then Kim starts talking about some sort of "warm embrace," and I perked up, but we go back to Natalie, who tells Dana, "You don't want to take any crap from your mother," which Dana confirms. Natalie says, "I think you're doing the right thing," which didn't really even make much sense. Then Dana says, "I need to see how long it takes to thaw," which makes even less sense, and I hope this episode's dialogue starts to show some sort of continuity soon instead of just a bunch of non sequiturs all randomly slapped together. Not to mention, I'm no Martha Stewart, but I know how to cook, and unless Dana has a light grid in her kitchen, I don't see how this experiment is going to give her an accurate idea of how long it takes a damn turkey to thaw. I swear, it's getting harder and harder for me to even make it through the happy-fun two-minute opening sequence of this show.

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Sports Night




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