During the opening credits, we hear Jeremy and Natalie counting all the people who have heard a rumour, except they won't tell us what the rumour is. As the scene fades in, they are striding through the Sports Night corridors, and they both admit to being nervous, and they think they're justified because of the three people they've counted so far who heard the rumour -- that's including themselves. Elliot passes by, and Jeremy asks if he's heard the rumour, and Elliot says he has without even asking which rumour Jeremy might be talking about. This brings the total to four but, as Jeremy says, that's only counting the people they know have heard the rumour, whatever that means -- I don't think you'd be counting the ones who haven't heard the rumour, Jeremy. Oh, wait. I guess that's why it was supposed to be funny. "What exactly does the ratings expert do?" says Jeremy, who is pretty stupid sometimes for an ostensibly smart guy. Natalie says to Jeremy -- and, by extension, the already insulted audience -- that presumably he raises the ratings, and as they walk through the control room they get into this whole discussion about how their ratings are fine and that they consistently finish third, and at this point you'd think might dawn on these dingbats why a ratings consultant has been hired. But, as Jeremy says, "The only way we could possibly do better is if we came in first or second. It's not like we're those clowns in fourth." I'm going to go out on a limb and say the pecking order is ESPN, Fox, CSC, then, who? ESPN2? Yeah, right. ESPN2 would kick CSC's ass. ["Based on the World's Strongest Man reruns alone, dude." -- Sars] So, based on the fact that they consistently finish third, they deem it illogical that a ratings consultant would be hired. "And yet, four people have heard the rumour," says Jeremy, as they walk into another corridor. "You guys hear about the rumour?" says Dave. "Five people!" groans Jeremy, throwing his hands in the air. Dave is talking to a couple of extras, so I'm assuming they also have heard the rumour, yet Jeremy doesn't bother to include them in his Paranoia Tally, since the extras and Lesser Tertiary Characters are not considered people on this show.
Natalie and Jeremy stomp into Dana's office. Dana, fiddling with an earring, is wearing tight black leather pants and a black leather midriff-revealing vest that displays ample cleavage. Natalie looks a little startled. Jeremy says, sounding pleased, "Hello." Natalie says, "Dana, what are you wearing?" and Dana says, "Do you like it?" and Natalie says, "As a matter of fact, I do," and I wish we could have had a shot of Jeremy's reaction. Except he's too busy staring at Dana's breasts as she bends over to fiddle with her boots. Dana starts asking some football-related question. Natalie starts to answer and then says, "Excuse me, Dana," and she turns to Jeremy, who has been very quiet, and says, "Sweetie, Dana can tell when you're staring at her breasts," and Jeremy protests, all flustered, even though it's obvious he was, and it's even more obvious that's what they were out there for. He says, "Okay, my eyes actually went there but now I'm fine," and smoothes out his tie. He figures after the show she's going to an important business meeting. Natalie tells Jeremy that Dana's going to a bachelorette party, and asks Dana, "Why are you wearing those clothes?" Dana says she wants to look less like Judith Light from Who's the Boss. Actually, she explains that the party has a biker chick theme and that they're being escorted to the party on Harleys. I really hope Dana is prepared for the yells of "Show us your tits!" and other various biker catcalls as she indulges her little motorcycle fantasy, but hey. It's her life.
Anyway, this is all explained as Dana starts walking through to the control room and Joanie and Chachi follow. Eventually, they remember why they wanted to talk to her in the first place. Dana says the rumour isn't true. "Five people have heard the rumour," offers Jeremy. "Five people are wrong," says Dana. They enter the control room. People start in with the sports show lingo. "Oakland's up," says Dave, turning around for the first time ever. Dana has her back to him. "Thank you, Dave," she says, without turning around, "stop looking at my ass." Maybe there should be rumours flying around this place that they were going to bring in a professionalism consultant.