Star Trek
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Sulu lands the ship. Down in "Golden Gate Park," placed in quotes because Keckler informs me that this is totally not Golden Gate Park and I'll believe her, two garbage men are being simple blue-collar late-twentieth-century kinda guys. Then an invisible ships lands next to them and they're all "huh?" and also "ack!" because the gusts of wind the landing ship creates are blowing beer bottles and stuff in their faces. Way to check to make sure there weren't any innocent bystanders around before you landed the ship, Sulu. Or maybe he did it on purpose. I've always thought there was something a littleā€¦sociopath-ish about Mr. Sulu. In a totally awesome display of '80s special effects, a garage can is flattened, and the ground it rests upon is indented in the shape of what I guess are the Klingon ship's surprisingly tiny landing pads. The garbage men barely have time to collect themselves when a thin shaft of bright light appears in the air. A walkway comes out of it and lowers itself to the ground, and the garbage men decide that they're going to leave now. They take off. Down the walkway comes the crew. "Everybody remember where we parked!" says Kirk. Golden Gate Park, 4th floor, center row B. As the crew walk away from the ship, the unmistakable sound of synthesized drum beats reminds us exactly when we are. Suddenly, it's daytime, and San Francisco is bustling! So bustling that when the crew tries to cross a street, Kirk almost gets hit by a car. "Watch where you're going, you dumb-ass!" the driver shouts. Never one to back down from a challenge, especially when the rest of his crew is watching, Kirk spits back, "Wellā€¦double-dumb-ass on you!" Although really, the only double ass in this scene is, of course, the rotund Mr. Scott. Kirk turns around to look back at the crew all, "Can you believe that guy? I know!" In a wider shot, we see the crew walking across the street. Kirk and the driver are still making hand gestures at each other, and Sulu joins in with a stop-and-point. As awesome as that scene was, I would have loved to have seen what would have happened if it was Bones who got called a dumb-ass. ["I'm sorry, the 'double-dumb-ass' gets me every time. I get to laughing so hard, I can't see straight." --Keckler] Just in case you thought the movie may have gone flying back to the twenty-third century while you were blinking, we see a newspaper headline that reads "Nuclear Arms Talks Stalled." The group stops at the newspaper box so that McCoy can talk about how crappy humans were in the twentieth century and put his hands on his hips in disgust. And when he does that, and stands sideways, you can see how ridiculously thin this man is. Seriously, he's competing with the nearby telephone pole for the "skinniest thing on the block" award. And he's winning. I wonder if something happened between the time when Star Trek went off the air and the movies started, some kind of experiment where all of DeForest Kelley's body fat was instantly transferred to James Doohan.

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Star Trek




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