Star Trek
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Spock looks at Kirk and wonders if it isn't time for a colorful metaphor. Annie sighs in exasperation and wonders, "You're not one of those guys from the military, are you? Trying to teach whales to retrieve torpedoes, or some dipshit stuff like that?" "No ma'am, no dipshit," Kirk promises. Now, I've seen a lot of movies with a lot more swearing than this -- hell, some of my recaps could make paint decide to take a vacation -- but this whole "dipshit" exchange seemed so...gratuitous. ["I recall being quite scandalized by it when I first saw this movie, but then, I was, like, five when it came out. And kind of lame." -- Sara M] "Gracie is pregnant," Spock volunteers. Annie slams on the brakes and the tires squeal. I really don't know how you can get tires to squeal when you're only going five miles an hour IN A PARKING LOT! Annie demands to know how Spock knows this and who they are. Kirk says they can't tell her that, but he can tell her that they aren't the military -- well, not in this century -- and they aren't going to hurt the whales. Kirk goes on that they might be able to help in ways she can't even imagine. "Or believe, I'll bet," Annie snips. Kirk agrees and says she's not catching them at their best. "That much is certain," Spock agrees sincerely. Kirk suggests they all go to dinner. Annie considers this for a moment and asks, "You guys like Italian?" "Yes," says Kirk just as Spock says, "No." There's a lot of "Yes"/"No" back and forth -- which is really much funnier than I can recap -- before it ends with Kirk finally saying, "Yes." Spock pauses and says, "No." "Yes, I love Italian," Kirk says. "And so do you," he adds to Spock. "Yes," Spock says, looking at Annie. Do they not have Italian food in the future? Or Italian people who make food? Bones and Scotty worm their way into a Plexiglas company and speak to the man in charge. Bones pretends to be agog that no one knew Professor Scott was coming all the way from Edinburgh to meet with the owner of the company. "I've tried to clear things up, Professor Scott," Bones explains, gesturing wildly at a slow and confused Scotty, "I've explained that you'd come all the way from Edinburgh on appointment to study methods of manufacturing from Plexicorp, but they don't seem to know anything about it." Scotty finally catches on and starts pacing "angrily." "Don't know anything about it!? I find it hard to believe that I've come millions of miles --" "Thousands," Bones says out of the corner of his mouth. Is Scotty really that dumb? They always make him out to be such a buffoon in all the movies. I mean, unless I'm gravely mistaken, Scotland is the same distance from California in the future as it is in 1986. Sure, there might be some continental drift, but not that would turn thousands into millions. "Thousands of miles on an invited tour..." Scotty continues to blather before Mr. Plexicorp assures him that he will take him around the plant personally. Scotty cheers right up. "May my assistant join us?" he asks, gesturing grandly at Bones. "Don't bury yourself in the part," Bones crabs.

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Star Trek




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