Star Trek
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

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Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Sulu, tricked out in that weird leather cape that he clearly bought in the Castro, wheedles his way into the cockpit of a helicopter and starts sweet-talking the pilot. He loves those flyboys. Keckler leaves me with a totally boring shot of men washing something that only serves to illustrate that in 1986, two out of three PlexiCorp employees preferred moustaches over a naked upper lip. The PlexiCorp guy leads Scotty and Bones into his office. PlexiCorp Guy compliments Scotty on his "impressive" knowledge of engineering, to which Bones says they call him the "Miracle Worker" back home. Well, they call him that to his face. Behind his back, he's called the "Miracle Porker." Pop quiz, PlexiCorp Guy hotshot: how thick would your Plexiglas have to be to hold a crapload of water in a huge tank? PlexiCorp Guy is all over this: "Six inches. We carry stuff that big in stock." And you'd think this would be good enough for Scotty and he'd just order it and be on his merry way to McDonald's, but no. He has to go mucking about in the timeline by offering to show PlexiCorp Guy a way to manufacture a material that could do the same job as the Plexiglas, but at only an inch thick. An inch? That's not very impressive. I expect my future fish tank wall material to be only a millimeter thick at the most. PlexiCorp Guy doesn't believe Scotty's inch claim ["No one believes Scotty's inch claim. Ew." -- Keckler], so Bones asks if they can use his computer to prove it. Scotty sits in front of the computer and begins: "Computer. [pause] Computer?" The computer does not answer, because it's, like, an Apple IIGS so the only noise it can make is that horrible rattling sound whenever you insert a floppy disk. Bones picks up a mouse and hands it to Scotty. Scotty's all, "Oh, right." Then he puts the mouse next to his mouth and says, sweetly, "Hello, Computer." That scene always cracks me up. ["Aw, me too!" -- Keckler] PlexiCorp Guy isn't quite so amused, and he instructs Scotty to use the keyboard. "How quaint," says Scotty, then, after a few hesitant keystrokes, goes wild and crazy, typing in commands and making pictures of compound molecules and stuff come flying up on the screen. For a guy who didn't know how to get the computer to even respond a second ago, Scotty sure got the hang of that fast. After a few seconds, Scotty tells PlexiCorp Guy to check out what he just did. PlexiCorp Guy looks at the monitor and is all impressed because Scotty has created a formula for transparent aluminum. He doesn't think he'll be able to replicate it for at least ten years. "Yes, but you'd be rich beyond the dreams of avarice," Bones Dante's-Infernos. Seriously, "avarice"? Scotty asks if PlexiCorp guy can use this information, or should if he just erase it all.

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Star Trek

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