Star Trek
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

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Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Kirk says they need to hustle their bustles out of the restaurant and get those whales. Just then, the waiter arrives with one pizza, even though I clearly heard them order two. Annie asks for it to go. She'll take care of the bill, too. I guess Kirk already spent his share of the antique shop money on toupee glue. Nuclear wessel. A German shepherd patrols the ship, sniffing for any intruders. He totally smells Chekov and Uhura, and dutifully alerts the guy leading him, but the guy is a quadruple dumb-ass so he pulls the dog along without even giving the area the benefit of a cursory inspection. Chekov and Uhura peer out from under the stairs (nice hiding place, guys. No one will ever see you under that wrought-iron stairway with all those holes in it) and make their way to a nuclear reactor. They affix a high-tech diggery-do onto it and wait. Annie and her badasssssss! pick-up truck drop Kirk off at the park. Annie thanks him for the "briefest" dinner she's ever had in her life, to which Kirk responds that he does most things briefly. And, mostly, without briefs. Annie also thanks Kirk for entertaining her with his "fish story," and doesn't a highly-trained whale-ologist like her know that whales are mammals, not fish? Kirk, apparently still not getting that Annie thinks he's a total nutjob, asks what the radio frequency of the whales' transmitters is so he can track them down. She says that's classified, and Kirk gets all huffy. Annie actually feels bad and tries to explain herself by saying that just like he can't show her his spaceship, she can't tell him the frequency. Kirk agrees that it "wouldn't be [his] first choice" to show her his ship, and I'll bet that's true. It's hard enough to be in a pick-up truck with that whiny voice of hers; can you imagine if you had to hear it reverberated off those metallic Klingon ship walls? Kirk tells Annie that he's here to bring two whales back to the twenty-third century, just in case some fool watching this movie was still sitting there going, "Huuhhhh? Whaaaaaa? Why are they in the eighties?" Kirk tells Annie to "think about it," takes the pizza, and leaves. Annie sits there, her mouth open, and exhales a "who are you?" because she can't believe Kirk just totally took the pizza she paid for. Kirk responds that she can find him in the park if she changes her mind. Annie drives off, this time getting a whole thirty feet away before that orangey transporter glow surrounds Kirk. Annie catches sight of it in her peripheral vision, but by the time she turns to see what's going on, Kirk is gone. Seriously, would it have killed Scotty to wait another thirty seconds before he beamed Kirk back? Although maybe he saw on the viewscreen that Kirk was bringing up some pizza and he just couldn't wait.

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Star Trek

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