Star Trek
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

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Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Aw, jeez -- a fan letter? Really, Sara? Actually, I'm more scandalized by the fact that he never wrote back than I am that you actually wrote it. But still, I can't wait to make fun of you at the next Recapper Summit. ["Me neither." -- Sars] ["Crap." -- Sara M] Decked out in scrubs, footies, and undone masks, Annie, Kirk, and Bones case the hospital. Kirk orders Bones off on his own, while he and Annie look for a secluded utility closet with romantic mops. Bones happens by an elderly woman left on a gurney in the hallway. The woman's quietly saying, "Ow, ow, ow." "What's the matter with you?" Bones demands. "Kidney dialysis," she wheezes. "Dialysis?" Bones blusters. "My god, what is this -- the Dark Ages?" For you? Probably. Bones opens his bag and slaps a packet of pills in her hand. "Here, you swallow that and if you have any problems just call me," Bones says, patting her cheek. Aw, I love Bones, but I want to know why he has pills that would cure kidneys. In his time, everything is hyposprayed. "Maybe there's an emergency kit on the Klingon ship," the Evil Dr. Mathra volunteers. Right, because Klingons just happen to carry pills around that would help human kidneys. "Oh," the Crestfallen Dr. Mathra says. Also, is it really safe for an elderly patient to swallow pills some random hallway doctor gave her? What if he was Dr. Kevorkian? ["At this point, she probably wouldn't mind." -- Sara M] Elsewhere, Kirk and Annie find a sheet that shows where Chekov is being treated under guard. They meet up with Bones and grab a gurney from an orderly. Annie jumps aboard and lies down. What a lazy bint. Claiming, "Emergency," they get onto an elevator with two other white coats. "Weintraub says radical chemotherapy or she's going to crock -- just like that," White Coat 1 says to show the callousness of twentieth-century doctors. "Well, what about Gottlieb?" White Coat 2 asks. "What do you expect? All he talked about was image therapy -- I thought they were going to punch each other out." The callous doctors laugh callously. Bones has been looking wildly from one callous White Coat to the other. He mutters, "Unbelievable." "Do you have a different view, Doctor?" White Coat 1 asks. Hardly, since Bones can't have any idea what case they're talking about. "Sounds like the goddamn Spanish Inquisition to me!" Bones yells, pulling Annie off the elevator. There goes Bones acting drunk again! I mean, what is he even talking about? Maybe it's the idea that chemotherapy and image therapy are considered torturous, which, yeah, but Bones still can't really know what they were talking about. "Bad day," Kirk explains as he follows the drunk doctor out.

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Star Trek

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