Star Trek
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

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Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Nice views of San Francisco and the Bay. Annie clutches at her pearls as everyone on the Bridge weighs in with their reports. Uhura scans for whales. Sulu says they'll be at the Bering Sea in twelve minutes. Kirk asks Scotty if the whale tanks are secure. "Aye, sir, but I've never beamed up four hundred tons before," Scotty responds, reminding his captain that it's not the just the whales they have to consider, but also the water. They fly. Bones sidles over to Spock and says, "You present the appearance of a man with a problem." Spock agrees, and says he's having problems calculating their journey back in time with the added weight of the whales because Scotty can't give him exact figures. Bones tells him to give it his best shot and guess. Spock shakes his head and says, "Guessing is not in my nature." "Well," Bones muses, "nobody's perfect." Spock considers this. Annie helps Uhura locate the whales. Annie is aghast when Kirk is able to present a visual of the whales. Sure enough, we see two black humps surface on the viewscreen. Both Annie and Kirk look like they're about to cry. Uhura reports another signal closing in on the whales. They get a visual, and Annie tearfully confirms that it's a whaler: "Are we too late?" Well, since you JUST SAW the whales ALIVE, I'd guess not. Freak. PBS footage of a whale show is badly patched in to show close-ups of the whales surfacing. The whaler -- whose crew is supposedly speaking Finnish, though what the Finns are doing that close to Alaska is beyond me -- closes in. Kirk orders them to descend. The Finns close in. Annie closes her eyes and breathes hard. The Finns ready their harpoons. The whales swim. The S.S. Booty zooms over the whaler. The Finns fire. The harpoon uncoils. And hits something metallic and invisible. The Klingon ship uncloaks, looking like a big sea creature with a red, open maw hanging in space. With relatively little reaction -- you can't ruffle Finns, they're stoics -- the whalers spin their wheel to get them the colorful metaphor outta there. Kirk gives Scotty the go-ahead. Scotty counts down and the lights go dim. "Two...one!" The ship groans, and the whales disappear from the ocean. "Admiral, there be whales here!" Scotty announces, jouncing himself a bit in his excitement. Kirk orders Sulu to take them to warp, and invites Annie to check on the whales with him. Before going down, he checks with Spock on his calculations. "Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral, I will make a guess." "A guess? You, Spock? That's extraordinary!" Kirk grins and walks off with Annie. Spock tells Bones that he doesn't think Kirk has quite grasped the situation. "No, Spock," Bones explains as if to a child, "he means that he feels safer with your guess than most other people's facts." Spock realizes it's meant to be a compliment, and promises to make the best guess he can.

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Star Trek

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