Episode Report CardKeckler: A | Grade It Now!
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In a turbolift, Spock tells Bones, "It is obvious that you have surmised my problem, doctor. My compliments on your insight." Spock tells Kirk that there is something, "almost an insanity," that Vulcans have to go through which he might find distasteful. "Will I? You've been most patient with my kinds of madness," Kirk smiles. Is that what he calls it? In that case, Spock asks Kirk to beam down to stand with him for the brief ceremony. As his best man? Kirk asks if it's permitted. "It is my right," Spock explains. "By tradition, the male is accompanied by his closest friends." "Thank you, Mr. Spock," Kirk says. Spock turns to Bones and requests his presence as well. "I shall be honored, sir," Bones announces. In the background, you can see the lights indicating that the turbolift is first going sideways and then going up. It's cool. They step onto the bridge, and Uhura tells them that they're within hailing range of Vulcan. Kirk greets Vulcan, Vulcan greets Kirk. Vulcan confirms that Spock is with them, and tells him to access his central viewer. Nurse Chapel walks onto the bridge and hands something to Bones to sign. She asks what's going on, and Bones shushes her. On the central viewer, a Vulcan woman appears. If you tilt your head to the side, squeeze your eyes half shut, and drink five Tremont Ales, you can see that she is the same scary Vulcan child Spock was looking at on his computer. But now she's beautiful with silver eye shadow. "Spock, it is I," the Vulcan female says. "T'Pring. Parted from me and never parted. Never and always touching and touched. We meet at the appointed place," Spock says. "Spock, parted from me and never parted. Never and always touching and touched," T'Pring says. "I await you." "She's lovely, Mr. Spock, who is she?" Uhura asks. "She is T'Pring, my wife," Spock reveals. Nurse Chapel looks at him, distressed. Bones does a double-take and stares at him. Kirk just gives him a sidelong glance. Keckler, going insane and never sane. Never and always annoying and annoyed. Mathra, doing math and never not doing math. Never and always mathing and mathed. The three beam down to Vulcan. Vulcan seems to be a planet rich in red blue-screens and Styrofoam rocks. Spock leads them onto the Vulcan answer to Stonehenge with lots of important-looking hanging metal things, ceremonial use only. "This is the land of my family. It's been held by us for more than two thousand Earth years. This is our place of koonut kaliffee," Spock points out. "Mmm, I could go for some coconut coffee, right about now," Mathra croons. Spock walks away, and Bones asks what he's talking about. Because he always has to know EVERY-thing before anyone else, Kirk expounds that Spock explained it as "marriage or challenge." "In the distant past, Vulcans killed to win their mates," Kirk lectures. "They still go mad at this time," Bones comments, in case anyone is just tuning in after the last commercial break. Spock looks at one of the important-looking hanging metal things. "Perhaps it's the price they pay for having no emotions the rest of the time," Bones surmises. Kirk looks around and comments that Vulcan is lovely, but he wishes the breeze were cooler. "Yeah, 'Hot as Vulcan,' now I understand what that phrase means," Bones agrees. Doesn't that phrase actually refer to the Roman god Vulcan and his forge? "The atmosphere is thinner than Earth," Kirk expositions. Spock bangs on the important-looking hanging metal thing. It's in the shape of a coffin. Bones wonders when T'Pring is going to get there.