Star Trek
Star Trek, The Original Series: “Plato’s Stepchildren”

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | Grade It Now!
Keckler's Apologia
Bones is ready to hypo, and Kirk orders him to give them double the concentration Parmen has. Spock is concerned that it could still take some time for the Jolt to really be of use in their bloodstream. Kirk wonders, "But what of Alexander?" Alexander insists that he doesn't want to be like them in any way, "Just lie around like a big blob of nothing and have things done for me. I want to move around for myself! If I'm going to laugh of cry, I wanna do it for myself!" There's Roddenberry's MO railing against stagnancy of society and culture. I swear, for every time Quantum sticks one to the nonexistent Prime Directive, there's a TOS episode with that stagnancy = bad storyline. Alexander tells the three men that he just wants them to promise to take him with them if they get away, so he can be among people who don't have that power of the sloth. Kirk starts to say, "Alexander," but is interrupted by the beaming down of Nurse Chapel and Uhura. Seemingly unable to speak, they are forced to walk out of the South Wing. Spock raises an eyebrow, and Kirk grits out, "I guess we weren't sufficiently entertaining." Honey, you just said a mouthful. Uhura, Nurse Chapel, Spock, and Kirk all meet up together, dressed to play Oedipus Rex at the local amphitheater. Spock's green tunic is fastened at both shoulders with gold epaulets, but Kirk's! Well, Kirk's scarlet get-up is only fastened on one shoulder -- for the necessary exposure of half his spongy chest. Uhura and Nurse Chapel explain how they were forced into the ship's transporter room and beamed down against their will. "I thought I was sleepwalking!" Chapel adds. Dreaming, more like it, now that she's able to see Spock's legs. Both women have elaborate hair and eye make-up as well as gowns befitting the time. However, Uhura's is cut to show more d├ęcolletage than Chapel's. They can all hear distant laughter, and Chapel asks what's going on. Kirk ignores her and asks Spock if he feels any effect of the Kironide. "I did experience a slight flush, Captain," Spock tells him. Kirk says he did as well. That's only because they both suddenly noticed Kirk's weird-looking man nipples. Spock and Kirk try to move some fruit -- in a BOWL -- with their minds, but it doesn't work. The Kironide is strong with you, young Spockwalker, but you are not a Jedi yet. There's more laughter and applause from somewhere else. As they all look around, some wall panels slide back to reveal Jabba and his court to the recently decarbonized Han Solo and Fake Bounty Hunter Leia. Wait -- wrong space drama, but still, same effect. The Platonians laugh and jeer until Parmen calls for silence and gives a little speech commemorating their arrival twenty-five hundred years ago. It's a lot of hooey. But at the end he welcomes their "first new member" (no penis jokes, no penis jokes, no penis jokes) and gestures at Bones (what did I just say?!).

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