Star Trek
Star Trek, The Original Series: “Plato’s Stepchildren”

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | Grade It Now!
Keckler's Apologia
Alexander is made to play a sort of death march on his drum, and both Spock and Kirk bow to the company. They turn face-to-face and skip a do-si-do around each other to the beat of Alexander's drum. Kirk does a rather accomplished plie and chants, "I'm Tweedledee, he's Tweedledum." In response to being so introduced, Spock executes a weaker plie than Kirk's and chants, "Two spacemen marching to a drum!" And then, in unison accompanied by some heel clicks and slalom jigs, they warble, "We slithe among the mimsy troves [sic] and gyre among the borogroves [sic]." Hee. I rewound it six times because 'twas brillig, really -- too brillig for words. TweedleBrie and TweedleGlum bow again at the conclusion of this little display, both showing a great deal of grinning teeth. At least, Spock's incisors blinded me; I'm still not sure if Kirk was smiling as large. Or as white. Maybe Nimoy uses Crest White Strips. The two are forced back down to their knees, and Kirk grunts out, "You're not staying, McCoy, no matter what he tries --" but Parmen interrupts by flinging him and Spock around the room on their bellies. Bones pleads with Parmen to stop his antics, but from under the extreme shadow of his laurel crown and an extreme close-up shot, Kirk constipates, "McCoy, nomatter...what HE makes me SAY-or do, the...answer's…NO! OOF!" Oops, I think he lost his laurels there. In that last bit, Parmen waved his hand so that Kirk dropped the hem of Parmen's robe -- which he had somehow gathered close to his mouth -- twisted his face, and fell backward. Hence the "OOF!" Bones yells at Parmen to stop while Kirk squirms and rolls around the floor in pain. Is it wrong that I enjoyed that? Again, we see Voyeur Philana watching intently. At one point, the music crescendos and Kirk raises his pelvis in a half-hearted backbend and screams. Other than that move, Kirk doesn't have a conquest in this episode. Just in case you were wondering. Parmen appears to release him and says, "We have had enough of your moralizing." "And we've had too much of yours," Bones shrieks. "You will never get me to stay here." Parmen tells him calmly that, while it may take a bit of time, he will be happy to stay. He's more philosophy now than man, twisted and evil. Parmen now bends his mind around Spock, making him stand up and raise his arms slowly out like Bela Lugosi on the Dracula poster my mom puts up at Halloween. Have I ever mentioned that my grandmother was in the Bela Lugosi Dracula? No? Well, she was. She played a nurse who was hypnotized to let Dracula into the room. She was also in The Women. I guess the effect they're going for with Spock here is to make him look like a marionette, his strings held by Parmen. Spock minces over to the prone Kirk and tap-dances around his head. The tap noises so do not match Nimoy's feet. I think they thought that by having Nimoy run in place accompanied by some clever tap noises, we'd think he was Twyla Tharp. The camera pulls back to show Spock jumping, tapping, and clapping his hands over Kirk -- all very Dance Of The Reed Flutes. Kirk licks his lips and comes back to consciousness, just as Spock executes a few mini-kicks over Kirk's head. Spock pauses, shaking, as he holds one foot over Kirk's face. Kirk looks frightened that Spock's size nines will ruin his nice new nose job and smear it into his fifth botched eye tuck. Spock's foot lowers and just seems to tap the tip of his Captain's turned-up nose. I half expected a Mr. Miyagi "HOOONK!" to result. But no.

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