Episode Report CardKeckler: B | Grade It Now!
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Spock of the Dance's face relaxes and he tips backwards, momentarily released by Parmen. Until he starts laughing. He chuckles. He giggles. He titters. He guffaws. Bones looks away in distress as Spock clutches his belly and crawls, laughing, to Alexander, who seems infected by the Vulcan's mirth. "He's a Vulcan! You can't force emotion out of him!" Bones shouts. A little perspective, please -- he's only half Vulcan, so it's not as bad as if they were forcing a full-blood like Sarek to laugh. "You must be joking, Doctor," Philana tells him with false surprise. "It'll destroy him," Bones agonizes. Parmen says they can't let Spock "die laughing," so they make him cry. Spock sobs. He wails. He blubbers. He's a veritable font of snivelation. Vainly, Kirk calls out to Spock from the floor and urges him not to let them break him. Spock rests his face against Alexander's leg, who cries in sympathy. "Hold on," Kirk says, crawling toward him. "Don't --" But Parmen (or Philana) mentally grabs hold of the Captain once more and makes him rear up on all fours. He paws at the air with his front legs -- urm, with his arms -- and rotates his shoulders. This should be interesting. Kirk slinks across the floor on his hands and knees, as Alexander pleads with Parmen that they saved his life. "I'm ashamed to be a Platonian! Ashamed!" Alexander announces, getting to his feet, one comforting hand still on Spock's shoulder. Parmen glares at him and throws him toward Kirk. Alexander climbs onto Kirk's back and slaps his butt. Did this episode come with a parental advisory? Suddenly, Kirk rears up and whinnies, pawing at the air. He does this many more hysterical times as Bones watches in anguish. "How can you let this go on?" Parmen asks him. Because it's good TV! Suddenly, all three crewmen and Alexander are back in the South Wing, looking quite well, and Kirk's no longer feeling the urge to be The Last Unicorn and gnaw on sugar cubes. The camera, Bones, and Kirk watch Spock's hand destroy a vase in his clutch. I see he's annoyed by the scene continuity as well. Kirk, still staring at his friend, gets up and stands close to him. Not saying a word, just staring at Spock's saturnine face. "Jim!" Bones jerks Kirk out of his slashdream. Kirk collects himself, rolls and rubs his shoulders, and backs away from Spock. Now what was that about? Was Bones worried that Kirk was going to kiss Spock, or was he just wordlessly warning him not to attempt to offer comfort to Spock because of Spock's delicate Vulcan state? Like the Tootsie Pop, the world may never know. Bones tells Kirk that he has decided to stay on the planet. "You can't!" Kirk says. "But Parmen has promised me you'll be safe," Bones continues. But an oath to a scoundrel is meaningless. Kirk scenery-chews the subject of Parmen's truthfulness. They debate the topic for a bit until Kirk says that Parmen knows that Starfleet wouldn't just stand by on their collective butts once they learned of Platonius; therefore, Parmen would never give them the chance to leave alive. "Sacrifice yourself by agreeing to stay, and you sign our death warrant!" Kirk chews. Alexander corroborates this, saying that he should have warned them right off. "They were treating you the same way they treat me -- just like me -- only you fight better. All this time, I thought it was me, my mind that couldn't move a pebble. They even told me I was lucky they bothered to keep me around at all. The arms and legs of everybody's whim. Look down. Don't meet their eyes. Smile, smile! Those great people, they were gods to me. But you showed me what they really are and now I know, don't you see. It's not me, it's not my size, it's them. It's them! It's THEM!" Alexander shouts, and suddenly goes slightly berserk and crashes an urn against the wall. Bones makes a move to stop him, but Kirk holds him back. Alexander picks up a shard of the urn and examines its sharpness, but Kirk orders him to put it down. Alexander desperately explains that if he cuts all of them, they'll get infected and die. "They're going to kill you anyway, you know that!" Alexander squawks. Good! Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you. You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in you now. Take your Plato weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger! With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant! MUWAH HA HA HA HA!