Episode Report CardKeckler: C- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The NN Tanning Booth. Kirk tells Hell'n-a-Handbasket that he has no desire to damage his brain, and wants to know if she can work the dials as well as interpret whether he's being harmed by the beam. Hell'n-a-Handbasket says she can, but looks apprehensive. He's an idiot for trusting her with his brain after the way she's been acting all episode. Kirk sits in the chair, and Hell'n-a-Handbasket says they'll try a few seconds of minimum intensity. She looks far too excited at this prospect. The light above Kirk spins as he looks into it. Hell'n-a-Handbasket turns the beam off. "Any time you're ready, Doctor, just for a second or two," Kirk tells her. Hell'n-a-Handbasket tells him worriedly that they already did it for that long. Kirk looks disconcerted: "Nothing happened." "Something happened," Hell'n-a-Handbasket contradicts him. "Your face went completely blank." Exactly -- nothing happened. Kirk says, "Trya...harmless...suggestion." Hell'n-a-Handbasket thinks for half a moment and smiles to herself. She turns the beam on, Kirk's jaw slackens, and Hell'n-a-Handbasket tells him he's hungry. Once the beam is off, Kirk rubs his hands on the arms of the chair and says that once they're all done, he wants to find and raid a kitchen. Hell'n-a-Handbasket gets excited and tells him that she's the one who made him hungry by simply suggesting it. Kirk frowns, "Remarkably effective for a device Dr. Adams was going to abandon." Hell'n-a-Handbasket thinks they need to give it another go, and Kirk agrees, "Pick something unusual -- an unusual suggestion. Something we can both be sure of." Hell'n-a-Handbasket looks devious and turns up the beam. "At the Christmas party," she tells him, "we met. We danced. You talked about the stars. [That's IT? Man, with all her obnoxiously limpid looks and highly suggestive tones, I'm really annoyed that it wasn't something far juicier! I feel incredibly gypped.] I suggest now that it happened in a different way. You swept me off my feet and carried me to your cabin." We switch to Kirk's false memory and see him actually carrying Hell'n-a-Handbasket to his cabin as she giggles. Shouldn't she have tinsel in her hair, and be holding mistletoe and a bottle of champagne to finish off Auntie Hackneyed's recipe for Trite Pie? The neural-neutralized "memory" is smudged around the edges -- like some Paramount crewmember rubbed Vaseline around the camera lens -- to tell us it's all a Hex hoax. Sham Hell'n-a-Handbasket wonders if his crew saw him carry her off to his cave. Sham Kirk scoffs that it hardly matters. Sham Hell'n-a-Handbasket pretends that she is worried about her reputation: "Of course, it would be different if you cared for me." Sham Kirk asks, "You want me to manufacture a lie? Wrap it up as a Christmas present for you?" Wow. He's a big jerk. "No, I'd prefer honesty," Sham Hell'n-a-Handbasket breathes, and then kisses him. I don't know what's going on anymore -- would she not have macked him if he had said he did care about her? Or maybe she's just that easy. I'm confused.