Episode Report CardKeckler: C- | Grade It Now!
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Back in the realish world, Kirk smiles in the chair. Then his jaw goes slack again. I'll bet that's the only thing that's slack on him right now. In the control booth, Hell'n-a-Handbasket is attacked by one of Dr. Adams's men and restrained as Dr. Adams steps up to the controls. For some reason they show that exact same shot of Kirk smiling, then going slack again. I giggle at the thought of Kirk grin-slacking over and over again as he gets tan lines. "And now Captain Kirk is going to have a complete demonstration. I want there to be no doubts whatsoever in his mind," Dr. Adams says. Or anything else, for that matter. Pumping up the UV damage, Dr. Adams suggests that Kirk is madly in love with Hell'n-a-Handbasket and would lie, cheat, and steal for her. Hell'n-a-Handbasket struggles in protest. Kirk's face starts to twitch. "Sacrifice your career, your reputation," Dr. Adams goes on. Kirk starts to look distraught, and Dr. Adams asks if he can feel the pain. "You must have her or the pain grows worse. The pain, the longing for her," Dr. Adams suggests. "Helen!" Kirk mutters, staring with knitted brow up at the sunlamp. Dr. Adams tells Kirk that he's loved Hell'n-a-Handbasket for years. "For years I've loved you," Kirk tells the sunlamp. Dr. Adams tells Kirk pleasantly that he must continue to remember that. "And now, she's gone!" Dr. Adams turns up the intensity. "Helen!" Kirk cries out, "don't go! I need you Helen!" Dr. Adams tells Kirk to drop his phaser on the floor. Kirk holds up his phaser and stares at it. Dr. Adams tells him the pain increases unless he obeys him. "I...must...drop...it," Kirk says, and drops it. Dr. Adams tells him to do the same with his communicator. Kirk pulls out his communicator and opens it. "Drop it!" Dr. Adams tells him. Kirk makes a face like he ate a bug. He opens the communicator and says, "Kirk...to...Enterprise." Dr. Adams turns up the beam. He's going to be burned when he comes out. Kirk wrenches himself up in the chair and then humpbacks around -- without ever actually getting out of the chair -- groaning, "Kirk...to...Enterprise!" Hell'n-a-Handbasket screams. Kirk cries. I don't think Kirk's going to need to make a raid on any kitchen after all that take-out scenery. In a room, Hell'n-a-Handbasket lies on top of Kirk and soothes his fevered brow with a washcloth. Kirk's eyes pop open, and Hell'n-a-Handbasket tells him he's in his own quarters now. Kirk gets all lovey-dovey with her, but she makes him remember that Dr. Adams put it all in his head. "Do you remember the pain?" she demands. Kirk slowly rolls off the bed and says he remembers. You know, they have aloe vera for that. He looks maniacally up at Hell'n-a-Handbasket and says, "I remember!" Then he fixes her with a look and says, "Helen!" She backs away from him until her back is against a wall. He comes toward her. She looks scared. He walks past her to say, "Look -- this duct." She just got so shafted. Kirk touches a very-large-and-big-enough-for-a-man-to-crawl-through-and-thwart-evil-plans screen. In a big display of strength, which ends with him asking Hell'n-a-Handbasket to help him, he pulls the screen open. Kirk tells Hell'n-a-Handbasket to crawl through this A/C duct and find main power to shut down the security force field. "Have you had any training in hypo-powered circuits?" he asks. Of course she hasn't. Kirk just says, "Megavoltage -- touch the wrong line and you're dead." "Anything's better than Adams's treatment room," Hell'n-a-Handbasket says, getting into the duct. Okay, but she said she had no training -- what is she going to do when she gets to the power switch? Two men in blue jumpsuits with dove iron-ons come to Kirk's door. "Time for another treatment?" Kirk asks jauntily, and leads on McDuff.