Episode Report CardKeckler: C- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Kirk gets back to Adams and says, "About Dr. Van Gelder..." Adams immediately says, "Yes, I'd like to inquire about your patrol destinations. Are you passing near any hospital facilities superior to ours? I'd like Dr. Van Gelder to have the best possible treatment, of course." Cagey. Cage-y! He must be taking a risk here. Either he knows that there are no superior hospital facilities nearby, or he's not worried about people listening to the Sweaty-Toothed Madman's ravings, because that's just what they are: ravings. Or Dr. Adams is actually good. Snort. Kirk puts Adams on hold and tells Bones he's got the ball, and wants to know if Bones has any suggestions for better facilities. "There are no superior facilities -- he knows that!" Bones scoffs, "but that's not the question. If something unusual is going on down there..." Kirk tells him he's making an assumption as large as his captain's gut. Bones says forcefully, "I'm required to enter any reasonable doubts into my medical log -- that requires you to answer in your log." Bones apologizes for getting all Starfleet on him. Kirk looks at Spock, who gives him a "well, you heard the man" look. Kirk gets back to Dr. Adams, apologizing that Starfleet regs require him to look into the matter. Dr. Adams interrupts him and tells him there's no need to apologize; he would regard it as a personal favor if Kirk himself beamed down to investigate, but requests he come with minimal staff because they are supposed to limit outside contact. Kirk agrees and hangs up. He turns to Bones and says, "Find me someone in your department with psychiatric and penology experience." Bones looks surprised. As soon as he said he wanted someone with "penology experience," I had no doubt as to what the sex of the expert would be. Kirk and Spock enter the Transporter Room and look up as a curvaceous brunette poses on the pad for them. She stares Kirk down, sticks her chin out -- which some how manages to come off as very provocative -- and flashes a single dimple. Kirk stares at her. "Dr. Helen Noel, Captain. We've met," she informs him. Spock looks wonderingly at Kirk and raises both waxed brows. Kirk doesn't say anything but joins her on the transporter pad. Dr. Helen gives him a sidelong look and breathes, "Don't you remember? The Science Lab Christmas party. You dropped in --" "Yes, yes, I remember," Kirk interrupts her as though he were afraid she was going to say something indiscreet. Her name is Noel and they met at a Christmas party? Ugh. Did Shatner name her? He did, didn't he? I can see him waving his hands around at story meeting: "I...think...they...have...metBEFORE! AtaChristmaspart-TY! And...her...name...is...NOEL!" And they do celebrate Christmas in Gene's perfect future. Well, at least the Science Lab does. The rest of the ship are probably heathens. Spock asks Kirk if there's a problem. Kirk starts to say something, changes his mind, and steps off the pad. Dr. Helen looks up into a corner of the room and smiles smugly. Okay, what the hell is this all about? Did they do it on a photon copier or something? Kirk walks up to Spock and mutters, "You tell McCoy that she'd better check out as the best assistant I ever had." Why? Because you slept with her, so now she has to prove herself outside of the bedroom? Because you're ashamed and are now taking that out on her by being unnecessarily severe? Bite me and suck the wound, Kirkie. As Kirk gets back on the pad and tells the transporter chiefs to energize, Dr. Helen keeps looking innocently up at that fascinating corner of the room. Kirk stares at Dr. Hell'n-a-Handbasket as they beam down...