Star Trek
Star Trek, The Original Series: “Spock’s Brain”

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A No-Brainer
After much creeping on both sides, the Sasquatches finally grow tired of games. They start yelling and throw their Flintstones trademarked clubs at the Away Team. What's truly hysterical is when they toss a few rocks at Kirk, and the rocks literally float by him. Kirk aims his gun -- I forgot that the phasers of this series had that little needle thing in the center -- and everything goes green. One Sasquatch falls, and the others run. Kirk crouches next to Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit and tells him they aren't there to hurt him. Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit tells him, "You. Are. Not. The. Others." Kirk tells him, "No. We came from a far place. We are men." "Men?" Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit asks. "Like yourselves!" Kirk says impatiently. "You are small," Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit notes, "like The Others." Kirk wonders who these Others are. "The Givers of Pain and Delight," Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit rolls his eyes. Kirk wonders where these Glacial Dominatrices are. "They come. They give Pain and Delight," Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit says, holding onto his original argument. "Do they come from the sky?" Kirk demands. What is he talking about? Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit tells him that they are here, and he will see, since The Others will come for them. "Do they come for your women as well?" Kirk asks, clearly thinking inside his pants since I don't see how that question helps them find Spock's brain. Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit doesn't seem to know what "women" are. "The female of your kind," Kirk helps out. Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit shakes his head slowly: "Your words...say nothing." Hee! I've been saying that for YEARS! More along these lines, but getting distinctly more personal, as Scotty and Kirk ask if Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit has sex. Well, they ask if he has a mate, but it's the same thing. Kirk wants to be taken to The Others, but Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit freaks out. Chekov runs over with news that he's found buildings buried underground. Kirk realizes that "somewhere down there" is where The Others live, and orders Scotty to find a magic door. Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit freaks out again and tells them they can't go there. He shoves Kirk and runs away. He's wearing those huge furry boots that used to be popular on ski slopes. Maybe he's really a horny Snow Bunny under all that fake hair. Kirk lets him go. Kirk and Chekov ponder Fallen Sasquatch Hidden Shaving Kit's words about pain and delight and the ignorance of the word "female." Scotty calls them over to a cave where he found some food. Since there are also forged metal weapons there, weapons Kirk thinks their "ape-ish friends" don't have the brains to make, they figure it's a trap set by The Others to lure the Sasquatches in. Chekov supposes that it could be a trap for them as well. "Exactly," Kirk says, and tells Enterprise to beam Bones down. Kirk orders Chekov and the security team to remain near the cave opening until they hear from him. Bones beams down with Spock. The music doesn't seem to think we can see Spock, though, because it's not until Bones pushes a button on a remote control and Spock turns toward the camera that the music gets all "ta-daaa!" Spock's seems to be controlled by a thing on his head, very reminiscent of -- or perhaps the inspiration for -- that thing Lobot wore in The Empire Strikes Back. Kirk, stunned, orders Bones to "bring him over." Bones clicks a button, and Remote Control Spock stomps over. Spock clearly lost his fashion sense along with his brain, because he's wearing these ugly brownish coveralls over a black turtleneck. Or maybe it wasn't that he lost his fashion sense but, because he doesn't have a brain, he couldn't find his normal uniform. Or he forgot to wash it, you know, because HE DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN! Kirk walks into the cave, and Bones and Remote Control Spock follow. Scotty tells Bones, "Keep him close to the right," and walks in after them. Why? Because Remote Control Spock might bump into something? Once inside, a sheet of metal closes over the cave opening, and the cave makes like it's an elevator.

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Star Trek

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