Star Trek
Star Trek, The Original Series: “Spock’s Brain”

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A No-Brainer
Nimoy babbles about not doing much in the episode but having "silly stuff" go on around him. The men get their gear back, and Kirk tries to contact Spock's brain. Spock's brain isn't very helpful about where he is or what they're using him for. Stupid brain. Spock's brain wonders why they are endangering themselves by remaining. "We came to put you back," Kirk explains. "Back where?" Spock's brain asks. Now we get a shot of a white flashing globe sitting on top of a black box with metal struts attaching to walls. Damn, I was really hoping for some sort of Madeleine L'Engle type of thing. "Back in your body -- we brought it along with us." Score: Stilton. Spock's brain really doesn't think Bones is up to the task. "Thank you," Bones mutters. Spock's brain entreats him not to take offense, because the skill to perform the task doesn't exist anywhere in the galaxy. Kirk argues that the skill exists right there if they can only figure it out. Man, this is one plotless episode! Spock's brain doesn't think there's much chance for success in this mission, since over eighteen hours has already elapsed. Kirk agrees and says they need to get to him ASAP. Spock's brain beams them a signal so they can find him. Bones pushes some buttons on the remote, and Remote Control Spock stands up. Turns around. And walks out with them. Kirk asks Spock's brain to figure out how they can get the Great Hernia Belts of Irritable Bowel Syndrome off. Spock's brain says he "shall" give it top priority. He gets back to them with an "ahnswer." The only way to get them off is to push the red button on Deep Purple's watch. Walking, they're walking. Kirk tells Spock's brain to keep concentrating, keep concentrating. Well, what else is he going to do? I mean, seriously, he's a BRAIN! They walk into a room where Deep Purple is waiting for them to inject them with menstrual cramps. Falling down, all around. Bones clutches himself and groans, "Jim. Spock. No pain." Kirk humps his way over to the remote control, knocks it further away, humps some more, and gets hold of it. Remote Control Spock walks forward. Deep Purple tells him to go away. Kirk presses another button. Remote Control Spock takes Deep Purple's arm and backs her into a corner. Quite a versatile remote, that one is. One button makes him walk and another makes him raise his arm, open his hand, and restrain someone by closing his hand around her wrist. It's smarter than TiVo. Remote Control Spock grapples impassively with Deep Purple and finally pushes the release button on her watch. The Great Hernia Belts of WWF Pain snap off. Deep Purple shrieks that they will all die if they take The Controller away: "The Controller is young and powerful and...perfect!" Mmm, I agree. Spock's brain says, "How very flattering." Deep Purple says Spock's brain will give life to her people for ten thousand years and that the other Controller is dead and gone. Kirk explains to Spock's brain where he is and what he looks like. He's in a black box with light rays and a complex control panel. Kirk confirms that Spock's brain is basically running everything in the FM Boots Brigade's subdivision. Deep Purple freaks out some more until Kirk grabs her and tells her that she removed the brain, so she will put it back.

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Star Trek

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