Star Trek
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Episode Report Card
Keckler: F | Grade It Now!
What does Kirk need with a toupee?
On to the next leper in the laying on of hands. Spock's secret pain is played out in another little tableau. Some woman is in labor on a slab of rock while a Vulcan priestess looks on and makes sweeping gestures in the general direction of her uterus. If that's their idea of an epidural, count me out of ever giving birth on that planet. The Vulcan babe is born (very large, these Vulcan newborns -- almost toddler size) and held by Sarek, who looks like he smelled something nasty in the woodshed and comments, "So human," before handing the kid back to the priestess. Bones and Kirk attempt to pick their jaws up off the floor. Kirk gets mad and asks what Sybok has done to his friends. "This is who they are, didn't you know that?" Sybok chides. Obviously not. Sybok tells Kirk to "now learn something about [him]self." Kirk says he knows all his weaknesses, mistakes, and past peccadilloes, and doesn't need "a tour of them." Bones encourages Kirk to be open-minded: "If you'd just unbend a little." "And be brainwashed by this con man?" Kirk overacts. Bones tells Kirk that Sybok took away his pain. Kirk shouts, "Bones, dammit, you're a doctor!" and that he should know pain and guilt can't be removed so easily. Kirk goes on a tangent of scenery-chewing, saying that their pain and suffering is what makes them who they are. "I don't WANT my pain taken away, I NEED my pain!" he bellows. Uhura informs them by intercom that they're nearing the Great Barrier. Sybok strides out, telling Kirk that he'll have to stay in the observation room. "Spock, McCoy, come with me!" he orders. No one moves. Spock tells him he can't follow him on his crusade, because he belongs with his captain. When Sybok fails to see the logic in that, Spock explains that Sybok doesn't know him anymore. "I am not the outcast boy you left many years ago. Since that time, I have found my self and my place. I know who I am and I cannot go with you," he explains calmly. Bones won't go without Spock and Kirk, so the Power of Three remains unbroken. Kirk tells Sybok they'll never make it through the Great Barrier. "But if we do, will that convince you of my vision?" Sybok asks. "Your vision?" Kirk asks. "Given to me by God; He waits for us on the other side," Sybok explains. Wow, his marbles are a little cracked. Kirk tells him he's "mad." "Am I?" Sybok asks with furrowed brow. "We'll see." A bunch of lighting and stuff rocks the ship as they fly into what looks like a giant blue-and-white sandtable. Chekov can't find any readings beyond the giant sandtable, but they forge ahead. Suddenly, the flashes stop, the mists clear, and they can see a little ice-ball of a planet. Everyone is astounded. Spock says, "Fascinating." Bones asks, "Are we dreaming?" Kirk says, "If we are, then life is a dream," and looks at a mounted steering wheel taken from an 18th century frigate. There's a plaque fixed on it reading, "To boldly go where no man has gone before." Kirk ponders this.

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Star Trek




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