Star Trek

Voyager: “Threshold” - In order to deliver the best possible recap of this worst possible Voyager episode ever, I punched a few buttons at Netflix, sent out for a new liver, and sat down to inhale all the previous episodes. At the...

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Star Trek Into Darkness: The Film Franchise’s Darkest Moments

Star Trek Into Darkness: The Film Franchise’s Darkest Moments

From The Motionless Picture to Uhura's fan dance, we pick the darkest moments from the Star Trek film franchise in preparation for the latest installment, Star Trek Into Darkness.

RECAPS, WEECAPS, AND MORE

Latest Episode

5-3
Recap

The One With The Salamander Sex

Voyager: “Threshold” - Tom Paris reaches infinite warp, dies, turns into a salamander, has sex with Janeway (also a salamander), and has babies (also salamanders). All in a day's work.

01.28.1996 C-

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Ep.

Title

Air/Pub'l

Grade

Author

5-2
Recap

Levels of Orgasms

TNG: “The Game” - Riker's dick endangers the Federation.

10.25.1991
08.31.2005
C-

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5-1
Recap

The Sun Also Risans

DS9: “Let He Who Is Without Sin…” - Worf goes to Risa with Dax and her spots that go "all the way down" and tries very hard not to get laid.

11.10.1996
07.30.2005
C+

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4-12
Extra

The Day the Franchise Died

Star Trek Eats “American Pie” - Some apologies to Don McLean -- but not too many.

02.03.2005
02.03.2005
N/A

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4-9
Recap

It's a Family Affair

TNG: “Sub Rosa” - Dr. Bev has sex with a candle in a faux Scotland backdrop.

01.29.1994
01.07.2005
F

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3-28
Recap

Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - Kirk and Ko. leave the twenty-third century as the Earth is being destroyed by a shrieking tin can thing, and go to the 1980s, only to meet a shrieking Annie Camden. Out of the frying pan, into the fire, I guess. P.S. Save the whales!

11.25.1987
09.10.2004
N/A

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3-27
Recap

Horton Heals a Horta

Star Trek, The Original Series: “Devil In The Dark” - Spock mind-melds with a meat lover's special and Bones gets a pizza the action. Keckler carves NO SNARK I into her burnished wood floor.

03.08.1967
07.13.2004
C+

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3-26
Recap

Of Wes and Wedgies

TNG: “Justice” - Having sex at the "drop of a hat...any hat" just isn't all that attractive anymore.

11.06.1987
07.02.2004
F

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3-25
Recap

Yours Is The Superior Star Trek Movie

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan - From Hell's heart, we snark at thee. For hate's sake, we spit our last joke at thee.

06.03.1984
06.08.2004
A

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3-19
Recap

A No-Brainer

Star Trek, The Original Series: “Spock’s Brain” - Spock loses his brain. Kirk gets it back without looking under a girl's dress for it.

09.19.1968
04.14.2004
N/A

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3-12
Extra

Extra, Extra: Eat All About It!

Star Trek Cookbook - Chef Keckler puts Neelix's recipes to the test.

12.15.2003
12.15.2003
B-

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2-31
Recap

One Flew Over the Kirkoo's Nest

Star Trek, The Original Series: “Dagger of The Mind” - Kirk gets tangled up with Greek mythology tinged with a Shakespearean title when he leaves a calling card at a fancy nut house.

11.02.1966
09.01.2003
C-

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2-30
Recap

The Song of Kirkawatha

Star Trek, The Original Series: “The Paradise Syndrome” - Kirk realizes all his dreams -- he beds a Playboy Bunny and is made a god.

10.03.1968
08.05.2003
C+

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2-29
Recap

Triacus of the Damned

Star Trek, The Original Series: “And The Children Shall Lead” - Kirk struggles with a horde of juvies who hijack his ship and bring out "the beast" in him, along with a bilious facsimile of an erstwhile Friday night host of a PBS series.

10.10.1968
07.24.2003
B-

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2-28
Recap

Jimmy crack Gorn and I don't care

Star Trek, The Original Series: “Arena” - Kirk makes use of local ingredients to concoct a truly magnificent meal for murder. Someone call in Poirot!

01.18.1967
07.18.2003
C+

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2-27
Recap

The Bad Seed

Star Trek, The Original Series: “Space Seed” - Fifteen years before The Wrath of Khan was even a glint in the milkman's eye, Kirk came across a strangely compelling man with strangely compelling bronzed pectorals.

02.15.1967
07.07.2003
B

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2-13
Recap

Arch Nemesis

Star Trek: Nemesis - Once upon a time, there was a lovely little ship called Enterprise A, B, C, D, and E, and then it crashed into something. I think it was Shatner.

12.28.2002
12.28.2002
A

admin

1-31
Recap

Where Nomad has gone before

Star Trek: The Motion Picture - Appearing now at a TWoP site near your computer: Star Trek: The Missing Plot, fully recycled, re-re-re-rewound, and regurgitated for your reading pleasure! Also: Brand new DVD commentary from Mathra!

08.10.2002
08.10.2002
F

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1-30
Recap

Subvulcanean Homesick Blues

Star Trek, The Original Series: “Amok Time” - Spock gets the urge to herbal.

09.14.1967
08.06.2002
A

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1-29
Recap

Who's the vainest of them all?

Star Trek, The Original Series: “Mirror, Mirror” - Kirk and Co. are beamed to another world where Spock doesn't own a Mach 3. Wacky hijinks, mistaken identities, soliloquies, and other Shakespearean space oddities, enter stage left.

10.05.1967
07.31.2002
C+

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1-28
Recap

Keckler's Apologia

Star Trek, The Original Series: “Plato’s Stepchildren” - Know then thy recapper, presume not Sars to scan. The proper study of Star Trek is Kirk. Kirk is a monster of so frightful mien, / As to be hated needs but to be seen; / Yet seen too oft, familiar with his gut, / We first endure, then hyperventilate, then throw up.

11.21.1968
07.22.2002
B

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1-27
Recap

Paradise Re-Maimed

Star Trek, The Original Series: “The Way To Eden” - And the Sars said, "Ye shall recap that of the original series and ye shall be as a god." And it was good.

02.20.1969
07.09.2002
B

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1-2
Recap

What does Kirk need with a toupee?

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier - You're not a movie...you're a travesty...sent by Shatner...to collect a pension.

06.08.1989
10.03.2001
F

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1-1
Extra

Q: Why did Kirk poop on the ceiling?

Trekkies - A: He wanted to go where no man has gone before. Do you ever wonder what Star Trek fans do at those conventions? Drink germy water and start dental practices, apparently. Not really interesting enough to keep me from shoving pins under my fingernails, Trekkies provides a slanted look into the lives of some Trek-riddled fans and a eyeful of Data/Yar porn.

10.17.1997
07.31.2001
C-

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