Turns out that Suzanne forgot to tell Matt that Mary Tate was coming by for a chat. Every time she says her name, all I can think of is Darren's boss on Bewitched. Maybe she's his daughter? Anyway, Matt's reaction is much like Danny's: he didn't work here when this all went down, so he's not sure what the point is. If even the characters are wondering what the point of the scene is, there might be a problem. Matt goes on a rant about how he's being sued by people claming to have written the script for his movie, and I don't even know why I'm mentioning it except that it might be a plot point if there even are any future episodes, and I'm giving the future recapper a place to link to in the future recap. You're welcome! Mary wants to hang out in the writers' room to get a sense for the atmosphere, and Matt doesn't think that's a good idea. Mary says she already has permission, so of course the phone rings at that moment, and it's Jordan, calling to tell Matt that she gave Mary permission to be in the writer's room. Of course, Matt puts her on speakerphone, so Mary gets to hear Jordan talk about how Mary is really hot, and that it's going to be tough for Matt to avoid hitting on her. I don't think she's that hot, but maybe it's because the last time I saw her, she was some sort of crazy alien married to William Fichtner.
Matt and Mary head down to the writers' room, giving us time for a good old pedeconference. Mary reveals that the writer will probably sue for millions, claiming that her career path was stunted. Matt thinks that this horrible writer would only have earned that kind of money on "Nutsopolis," which is corny, but did make me laugh. Mary is more interested in how the whole writing process works, but you'd think she'd lead by asking if the process is the same as it was before, when the woman in question worked there. Matt explains that the writers submitted pitches to him on Monday, twice on Tuesday, and twice on Wednesday, and that he rejected all of them. Mary asks what he's looking for, and Matt jokes, "A woman that gets me, Mary. I mean, someone that really gets me." His delivery saved that line. Matt admits that he just needs an idea that he can write. I don't really get why Matt is the only one who can write sketches, but reasoning that out would require way more energy than I am willing to expend on a show that may not ever air another episode beyond this one.
Matt bursts into the writers' room and polls them about why they think Karen Salisberg (the litigious writer in question) was fired. They all claim that she couldn't write. Even Lucy says it! And she's a woman! In case she forgot, Matt reminded her. Mary pipes up to ask whether any of them worked there at the same time as Karen. None did. Matt asks Lucy if she's ever felt sexually harassed, and when she cracks a joke, he tells her to move her "fine, fine ass" down to the end of the table, which is the "Punishment Chair." Somehow when I originally watched this episode, this whole thing made some sort of sense, but watching it now, I have to believe that Matt is still on drugs, and I might be too. Matt wants Lucy to tell him the name of Samuel Taylor Coleridge's most famous poem. Lucy doesn't get it right, but Andy does -- it's "Kubla Khan." Professor Matt lectures that Coleridge wrote the whole thing in one shot at 3:00 AM. Matt leaves out the part about the opium. Also, the first time I heard the opening lines of that poem was in some sort of Mad magazine satire. I know that's irrelevant, but why stop now? Andy cuts to the chase and realizes that Matt didn't like any of the pitches. Darius and Lucy want to argue about it, but Andy says that Matt didn't like them, so they have some work to do. Matt inspires the troops by reminding them that Coleridge was interrupted and then unable to finish his poem. So Coleridge was kind of a hack, then. And also probably full of crap, from what I remember from my college poetry courses; I seem to remember that there was evidence the poem was written over the course of several attempts. But Coleridge was a Romantic, and so is Matt, so whatever makes the better story is what we'll go with.