While Matt's still trying to shake off Jack's corporate stench, Suzanne enters with a sheepish wave. She stands across the room and just stares at Matt. He asks her about three times what's wrong, and she finally agrees to ask him something if he promises not to fire her. Instead of asking if she's suddenly infatuated with him too (which is what I was asking, because I know what show I'm watching), he assures her he won't fire her. She asks if he's high right now. Turns out Suzanne's mom was a fan of the Percocet when Suzanne was a kid. Matt tries to downplay it and says he only started because he got depressed after Harriet and Luke started dating. Oh, good, something else he can dump on Harriet. He says you can't be funny if you're depressed, and he couldn't afford to not be funny. He promises that as soon as they're on hiatus, he'll stop. Suzanne goes back to just looking at him, because he's exactly as full of shit as she thinks. "My mom said that when I was nine," she says. "And when I was ten, she slit her wrists." It gets to Matt, though his words don't reflect it. He assures Suzanne that he's fine, and it's awkward until Suzanne asks if Don Pardon't knows he said "Studio City." She's probably not fishing to see if Don is on drugs too, but who knows?
"News 60." Still not funny. Simon has possibly the worst fake news delivery this side of Colin Quinn, I should note. Though Sarah Paulson trying to wrap her lisp around "House Speaker Nancy Pelosi" couldn't have been anything less than an obstacle course either. In the Green Room, Jack is enthusing about the Soul-Suck-O-Tron program he's so proud of. He says it was invented by an old TV executive who'd had it up to here with "the constant coddling that these showrunners demand." Are we all on the same page here? About how network executives hate creative types just on principle and are out to destroy them using futuristic machines that eat imagination and crap out product? Jordan, as you can imagine, is not convinced and asks if she can simply watch the show. Jack's almost out the door before she bursts that "he" (Danny) is averaging a 5.7 rating with a 19 share. "Anybody would take that and run," she says. Jack corrects her that the 5.7 is averaged over the last five months, but over the last two months he's only averaging a 4.8/15, and he's losing almost 300,000 every half hour. Of course, if you followed this program's ratings at all, you'd know that hemorrhaging viewers by the half-hour was one of Studio 60's chief bugaboos during its initial ratings slide. So while I am happy that the show has finally decided to address story concerns that have been long overdue, the fact that they only started to mention ratings at all after the real-life Studio 60 had started to face ratings problems is pretty frustrating. Particularly when the roman à clef nature of the show has been one of its chief annoyances. In other words, why are we only hearing about the ratings as yet another of Aaron Sorkin's thinly-veiled gripes at the industry? Anyway, Jordan starts to say that the critics are still behind the show, but Jack says they haven't been in the last few weeks. "The last couple of weeks, half of [the critics] have been beating up Matt like he's an event at the damn X-Games." Actually, I think events at the X-Games might have gotten better ratings. ["Quiet down, Joe -- I think this part is about you!" -- Miss Alli] Jack tells Jordan she's in "big boy" school now, which means, yet again, "Talk to your boyfriend about his ratings-bleeding show or I'll have Hallie do it for you." Jordan wants to know when he's going to stop dangling Hallie over her head. Jack says when she can get back those "10,000 viewers a minute" Danny's losing.