Elsewhere, Tom barges backstage, past Lucy, and slams something down. Lucy's getting a hem sewn by one of the wardrobe people, which does indeed seem to be a handy perk for a staff writer on a TV show. She tries to convince Tom that it was a good show, but he won't have it. She says he's being too hard on himself, but he says amateurs get to not be hard on themselves. He says it wasn't the show they wanted. "You guys need to calm down," Lucy says, and Tom asks if she knows who gets the luxury of being calm. "Amateurs?" she guesses sweetly. Tom says he likes being able to show off for her, and he wasn't able to do that tonight. Simon happens by and accuses them of talking ratings. "What are you, the police?" They banter some more about how "snow blower" is funnier than "snow machine," and Simon asks to talk to Tom in private. Before he can say anything, Tom starts to gush about Lucy, and how even with the show tanking and him screwing up, he can't help but be happy and it's because of her. And all he wants to do is have a good time tonight without worrying, and oh by the way, what was it that Simon wanted to tell him? Simon, naturally, says he forgot, and they head off for the goodnights.
The final sketch is Samantha in a "Thai Therapy" joke that ends with a "happy ending" reference. It's not funny, but I think this is supposed to be one of those sketches that will appeal to frat boys, so just this once, I think it's not supposed to be funny. As we fly past a monitor for the goodbyes, we see that this week's host was Jenna Fischer. Jenna! I'm so sorry you broke your back! Curse those upfronts!
Backstage, Danny is moving at a brisk pace and making a beeline for Matt's office. He barges in and demands Matt "give 'em to me." Matt's all, "What? Give you what?" Danny means the drugs -- Suzanne tipped him off. Narc! Danny's voice is on the edge of breaking as he frantically tells Matt that he's a drug addict and he will damn well not let the same thing happen to Matt. He starts rifling through Matt's desk for the pills and asking Matt if he has any idea how hard it is to get off the junk once you're hooked. Then he starts telling the home audience how to best consume both OxyContin and crack, which would be scandalous if, again, anyone besides me were watching this show on a Thursday night in the summer when I could be out having a good time instead. Not that I'm bitter. Matt finally produces a jar of Flintstone vitamins and then has the balls to act indignant about it. Danny drops the Suzanne bomb, which gets Matt to admit that he was taking drugs...until about an hour ago. "I've stopped now," he says. "I'm not writing the show any better now than I was when I was straight." Danny tells him he's writing it worse. Danny's rage has by now cooled to a weary sadness for his friend, and he confirms that Matt is done. Matt says he is. Hey now. I've watched TV before. No drug addiction is ever truly over until the afflicted ends up in a coma where he enters a nightmarish purgatory of his own making. I'll be waiting.