Matt delivers the Jordan update: bleeding internally, should be fine, delivered the baby. The baby, says Matt, is "sixteen pounds, two ounces." Andy asks if perhaps Jordan gave birth to a tuna. Cal corrects that the baby weighs six pounds, two ounces. "Anything else?" asks Andy. Matt says no, but at Cal's prodding, he remembers that Danny and Jordan got engaged. Before we can settle on the thoroughly underwhelmed reactions of Andy, Dylan, and Simon, Lucy freaks out and throws her laptop across the room. She looks horrified, apologizes, and walks out. Simon reads the offending content, a poorly spelled (natch) post about how we should "face the facts" that Hollywood is the land of "liberals, fags, and traitors," and "you reap what you sew [sic]," and Tom's brother is paying the price for that. Dylan says the whole site is like that, though Simon notes a "subgenre" of posts suggesting the whole thing is a publicity stunt to boost S60's sagging ratings. ["'Subgenre'? Is this Dawson's Creek now?" -- Miss Alli] Matt says to forget it, and says that with the press surrounding the building, he and Danny want everyone to stay put. Simon suggests that they start writing some sketches about how well these "face the facts" people have served us. Cal says not this week, but Simon says it's been six years, and he doesn't think these "Toby Keith patriots" feel stupid enough yet. Cal puts his foot down, saying six years ago Matt "got sucked into this," and he doesn't want it to happen again, not to mention how they don't write to make other people feel stupid. Matt takes offense, though, saying he didn't get sucked into anything: "I walked in."
WHOOSH: 2001. Matt enters the crowded writers' room and says he's just returning from Jack's office, where he was told that they will put on a show this week and also that they have some content restrictions. Andy seems to be the only person who thinks "content restrictions" is as big a deal as it is, but Matt's like, "You know, lay off Bush and the White House. We knew this." Hairy Garcia suggests a sketch riffing on Bush's infamous "Shopping keeps us free" statement, but Matt's like, "What did I just say." Other items in the news during the fall of '01: Barry Bonds hit his 73rd home run (boring), Eminem and Kim Basinger signed on to make a movie together (but not until '02), and finally, Karl Rove made a trip to California to ask the movie studios to make more patriotic movies. "Shopping and movies," scoffs Hairy Garcia. "That's exactly how we won World War II." Then John Wayne shows up, kicks the shit out of him, and asks the rest of the writers to buy some war bonds. Matt says to stick a pin in that idea for this week, because Jack was pretty clear, but you can see the wheels turning in his head, and he asks to see the newspaper. Somebody's feeling subversive as we fade to commercials.