Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Monday

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Raise Your Hand If You're Illiterate

"Monday," reads the title card, as we hear the obnoxious ring of a cell phone, meaning the episode kicks off with the pushing of the button in my brain that hates deedle-deedle-deedle telephone rings more than anything. In a darkened room, a woman is awakened by the sound of the sexual revolution telling her she is allowed to choose her own boyfriends. No, I'm just kidding -- she totally slept right through that. What does wake her up is that annoying cell phone, and she turns on the light. Oh, look. It's Jordan! And the caller ID tells her it's Danny. This time, she's not even chewing, so he's become substantially more courageous by approaching her when she has the physical ability to tell him to go away. Somewhat reluctantly, she picks up the phone. "Hello?" "Hi, it's Danny." It turns out that he's unhappy she isn't at the wrap party from the Christmas show. Remembering the importance of never letting overbearing weird dudes in on your exact location, she tells him she was tired, was packing, and is going to her parents' house "back East." And then, she'll be going to St. Lucia. Danny blanches, but says, "Okay," granting her his permission to go before she even remembers to ask. Looking a little weirded out but not yet displeased that he called, Jordan comments that the show tonight was good. He wishes her a good trip and a good Christmas. She gives him the same. See? Still okay!

And then she is at her parents' house for Christmas, and her phone is ringing again, and guess what? It's Danny. As she walks through an idyllic home decked out for the holidays -- while eating, of course -- she has to remind him where she is after he suggests a midnight mass in Pacific Palisades on Christmas Eve. He wants to know when she'll be back, hoping it'll be soon. She reminds him that she's headed for the Virgin Islands next, as if she didn't already explain this once. He suggests maybe they could see a movie when she gets back.

The phone rings some more, and we join Jordan in the Virgin Islands, where she's suddenly looking pretty goldurn pregnant and having a pedicure while swathed in a white robe. When she answers and finds out that it's Danny, she wonders whether he changed his phone number, and he says that he did. And why? Because he figured she'd be using caller ID to deflect him right about now. So that would be your first red flag. I think based on the rest of this episode, we can surmise that it probably was for Jordan. Danny tells her that he got a new phone while he was evading her efforts to get privacy during her vacation, and he could use this phone to "edit a feature-length film." Presumably something very romantic involving forcing yourself on the unwilling. Jordan wants to know if he's at the theater, which he denies. She claims to be able to tell he's at the theater, and then she points out that Matt has just loudly yelled in the background, "I'm eating it!" "Matt's here, so I'm here," Danny finally admits. Jordan overexplains that "with Harriet gone for two weeks," Matt is falling apart. "You're not supposed to be as confused as Matt," Jordan says. Danny responds by asking her out to dinner after she gets back. She says, "I don't think that's a good idea, Danny." This is the part we call Now You Should Get The Point If You Haven't Already.

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Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

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