Okay, well first of all, Tom ultimately gets let out of his legal woes specifically because his BROTHER IS STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF AFGHANISTAN! The big mystery of why Tom was going 120 MPH that day in Nevada is, at press time, still kind of murky. Something to do with a protest and multiple tours of duty? Whatever, who am I to question a G.I. ex machina? Things get worse in Pahrump, however, before they get better, including Jack almost getting locked up for contempt, before Judge John Goodman decides any friend of a brother of an enlisted man shall roam free in the great state of Nevada forever. Elsewhere, Matt and Harriett go 180 rounds on gay marriage, with Matt's ultimate point being that he wants to be the one shoving homos over tiny shrubs in her defense. But not before Harriett suggests that gays give straight people a good 360 more years to get used to them before expecting civil rights. No, she really does. Soratio Handz and Lucy Davis get subplots this week: Soratio gets assigned Simon's "News 60" spot for the night, but he has a crisis of fat man confidence. And Lucy writes this "Operation"-via-Charlotte Light And Dark sketch which leads to her breaking out in the heaving sobs on Matt's shoulder about some breakup she's going through. Jack finally stands up for Jordan (who is in deeper doo-doo for the "I hate babies" comments than you might have expected) and lands the Macao deal after an intelligent and cutting-edge translation misunderstanding with
Mr. Roper Zhang Tao. Oh, and nothing on the show-within-the-show is ever funny, ever, some more.
First things first: big, grateful props to EasternBird and theangleman for hooking me up with the Tom Jeter "hey girrrrl!" ringtone. It's better than I even imagined.
Previously on Studio 60: Harriet's half-assed opinion on gay marriage got half-quoted on Page Six, which led to a confrontation with some homosexual street toughs, which led to Tom pushing one of them over a teeny, tiny little hedge, which led to Tom getting arrested, which led to Tom getting extradited to Pahrump, Nevada, which led Jack, Danny, a lawyer, a Chinese businessman, and his daughter to follow to Pahrump in the NBS jet, where they met Judge John Goodman, who was a hardass. Also, Jordan's ex-husband's tell-all has her saying she hates children. And Tom has A Good Reason for his outstanding speeding violation that he doesn't want to tell anyone. Here we go!
Matt's in his office, giving the remaining cast the situation report, in an exact repeat of the closing scene last week. Only this time we get Alex busting out laughing at the name "Pahrump." It is a funny name. It manages to convey a rhyme for "duh" with a synonym for "butt." Sometimes that's all you need. Jeannie also can't quite contain herself and asks if Tom's being held in jail in a Marx Brothers movie. Matt tells her to keep that sense of humor: "You're gonna need it waiting tables at the Hooters in Santa Monica." "Yes sir," says Jeannie, duly chastened, and she averts her eyes and gets back to working solemnly. These comedians. They are a riot, let me tell you. Matt says his earlier idea that Harriet would do the news alone wasn't such a hot one -- "It needs the ping-pong" -- so he drafts Soratio Handz into Simon's chair. Soratio actually gets a storyline this week, so he's earned the right to get recapped under his character's actual name. So Dylan Killington, so drafted into the harsh spotlight, immediately starts shitting a brick. Jeannie and Samantha start running through a sketch about a Lifetime Movie Awards show, running off titles like "Debbie, Leave Him: The Debbie Lieberman Story" and "Stephanie, Run While He Sleeps: The Stephanie Davis Story." Y'all, I appreciate the effort, and it's a pretty funny idea, but you just cannot top Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? I'm sorry, but you can't
The cast exits, but Harriet lingers in Matt's doorway and asks if he honestly thinks she's a homophobe. He begs off for a second, but she prompts him again and he says that yes, he really does, "Because you are." Harriet says "every Democrat on the ballot" responds to the same question she got asked with dithering about civil unions and letting the states decide. Matt doesn't need a reminder that his party is "full to brimming with panderers and mediocrity." Harriet asks what's wrong with civil unions, anyway. Matt responds that the civil unions line of thinking ultimately ends at a point where you decide that "homosexual love is something less than heterosexual love," and whenever he sees Harriet vocalizing that side of the argument, he wants to "hit [her] in the head with Liberace." Matt's gotten real angry by this point, and you can see that he's not just arguing a political point. He's pissed that he can love someone who holds these opinions. Harriet storms out and punches a wall which does, in fact, provide resistance, eliciting a surprised "Ow!" There's gotta be a better way to cut to the credits, she thinks.