More of Simon's Stupid Subplot. He manages to find Claire again (not hard to do with those bazooms bending all the light in the room her way) and pulls her aside. He does a song and dance about how he could have made up a lie, but honesty is the best policy, and he's an honest guy. He tells her that he and Stephanie "got back together." And whatever else he says for the next few seconds is irrelevant, because we're all waiting for it...waiting for it...aaaaaaand SLAP! That's the stuff. Scene.
Dressing room. Harriet is boring the hell out of Jeannie and the B-team with her Harriet's Reasons Why Not about why she and Matt aren't together: before it was the Christian thing, or the no-proposal-after-five-years thing, or how he'd date mad amounts of floozies. "While you were broken up," clarifies Jeannie, who was once one of those floozies. Sam gets to the bloody goddamn point and asks what her reason is for not dating Matt right now. And that reason, says Harriet, is "all of you." She and Matt aren't dating, she says, because it would make the rest of them uncomfortable. They all say it really wouldn't bother them, although I like to think Jeannie and Dylan's silence on the matter speaks more to a "How would it be any more uncomfortable than it is now?" issue. Also: I do appreciate that the show finally got to this story, but where the hell are Tom and Simon, the two senior cast members and consequently the two with the most to lose, professionally, if Matt were to start favoring Harriet? More than he already does. Whatever: CANCELLED! Harriet says it's not her who thinks the cast would have a problem, but rather Matt...though now that she thinks about it, she's not sure he has a problem with that either. So what's the reason now? "It has to be something else," Harriet says. Oh come fucking on, they're so getting back together; just haul Perry back in front of a camera and do it already.
Backstage...somewhere. Stephanie finds Lucy and mentions how the show's going to hell tonight. Lucy, who still thinks Stephanie and Simon are broken up and Simon's taking Claire to Hollywood, greets her sadly. She gives her condolences and, before Stephanie can even say anything to contradict her, begins to speak up for Simon. She says Stephanie may have misjudged Simon, that she can tell when Simon's just "in it for a snog" and this time he wasn't. Stephanie says she knows this and she's going to "make it up to him in Hawaii." Too late, says Lucy, because Simon's already asked someone else. Wah-wah-wah. Off Stephanie's reaction, Lucy begins the slow process of digesting her foot. Meanwhile, Stephanie spots Simon and asks him if he really asked someone else to Hawaii. He says he didn't, despite Lucy's comic flailings behind Stephanie's back telling him to come clean. So, once again, it's 3-2-1...SLAP! Lucy does a little more comic mugging before we're well and done with that whole dumb story altogether.