Danny tries to say what he needs to say to Jordan right there in the hallway, but there are too many people around, so he leads her upstairs. To the roof. Uh-oh, I've seen this romantic comedy before. I know how it ends up. If they were stuck in a boiler room, they'd end up having sex, because it's hot and sweaty in there. Up on the roof, they'll just end up in love, professing that love to the whole city. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Danny begins by apologizing for everything and assures Jordan that the phone calls, the letters -- all of that is going to stop. "Well," she says, looking like she's going to back down (showing weakness! First mistake), before simply saying, "Okay." Danny waits for her to say something else, but when she does, it's "We should go." But...what's this? The door is locked? They're stuck up on the roof? What an unexpected yet drama-enhancing development! Danny acknowledges the cliché they've stepped into (not that doing so makes it any less of a cliché), and promises Jordan that he'll get them out of this. I'm not sure how he's going to be able to do that without Matt to give him really bad advice, but let's all see how he does!
Not that I'm surprised at all to see it, but the Catholics in Media have sure gone all-out for their little red-carpet gala. Inside, Tom's telling Simon that he sees where Darius is coming from re: the Fruit of the Loom sketch: "Why can't he write what he wants?" Simon says he can, and changes the subject, because Tom doesn't get it. Simon, instead, starts bagging on Tom's "manhood," for some reason, before Tom spots Kim Tao from across the room. She's sexed-up to an almost inept degree, with the boobs all shoved up to Jesus in the strapless dress and the serious makeup and the roughed-up hair. It's kind of stretching it that Tom would have to fight his urges so much, because Kim is so obviously an eighteen-year-old trying too way hard here. Regardless, both Simon and Tom make with the tongue-wagging, a poor showing for males indeed. Simon tries to get Tom to acknowledge the hotness, so Tom advises Simon to "go find Huey Newton." Heh. Tom steels himself so that he can be a gentleman as Kim breathily says she hoped he'd like what she's wearing. Tom takes a breath and forges onward: "So I need to talk to you."
On the red carpet, Harriet and Sam pose for photos. Harry's wondering where Jordan went off to -- she's been MIA since Danny asked to talk to her. Sam wonders what's going on between those two, a question on the lips of all of America, if the Studio 60 promos are anything to be believed. Harriet suggests that they clam it until they're not two feet from a throng of reporters. Out of that throng emerges Matt, looking good in a black and blue suit I'm not sure I entirely approve of in most cases, but he makes it work nonetheless. The paparazzi ask for a photo op, and Matt shoves Sam out of the way so that America can get a good look at how much Luke Scott is not with Harriet at the present moment. Harriet asks what he's doing there, and Matt explains, "I won you. Well, I didn't win you, but I tied." Harriet thinks that this was a very sweet gesture, at least until Matt asks where Luke is. Harriet's all, "Luke?" Matt says that Luke was the other guy bidding. However! There's a handler who approaches with a greasy little skater punk who would beg to differ. She introduces Harriet to "Cody Kyle," the other winner of the auction. "You're 'lukes5858'?" Matt asks. "Star Wars, dude," says Skater Punk. They share a moment of nerd bonding as Matt says that the Skywalker Ranch is located at "5858 Lucas Valley Road." Dude. No more making fun of the internet for ol' Matty. "Who are you?" Skater Punk asks. "He's BossSexy!" Harriet brights. Hey, lady spends the entire episode getting pulled like a tug-of-war rope. She's gotta get her kicks somehow. She asks how old Skater Punk is. "Fifteen going-on," he says. "Doorstep of my sexual prime." "Hey, me too," laughs Harriet. Man, sketch comedians get all the teenage tail. In case you, like Matt, were wondering where Skater Punk got his money, he's apparently this famous X-Games snowboarder. One can only hope that one day he fulfills his dream of getting a show on MTV where he and his friends put their balls on things. Harriet asks which one of her "boys" would like to escort her to her seat. Skater Punk's arm shoots straight up: "I call it!" Matt tries to scoff him to death, but Harriet's not in the mood. "Sorry, Matthew," she quips. "He called it."