Previously: Danny's take-no-prisoners courting style was momentarily thwarted by Jordan's wanting nothing to do with him, so he moved on to Phase 2: the ever-bizarre Letters From People Who Say You Should Date Me, which I think may be the title of Clint Eastwood's next attempt at an Oscar. This time, Jordan made her feelings on the matter even clearer, not that Danny has any intention of letting a girl tell him when to stop stalking her. Also: Tom sweetly asked Lucy out on a date, while Jack agreed to set up Kim Tao on a date with Tom on the same night! Uh-oh! Also also: Matt obsessively eBayed a charity date with Harriet, almost entirely so that Luke Scott wouldn't get that honor. I'm looking into whether any of these women comes with a dowry, and I'll let you know if I hear anything.
Jack greets Security George at his desk, positively radiating discomfort at having to chase after Tom Jeter to set him up on a date. George points him in the right direction, and Jack tries to remember that he's the Chairman of NBS and not a glorified MySpace page. Meanwhile, Tom is in costume as a bunch of grapes for the Black Militant Fruit of the Racially-Charged Loom sketch. Not to get all Kim Tao up on ya, but Tom looks adorable as a bunch of grapes. He's snapping at "Jill" the costume lady to get him out of this ridiculous getup ASAP, because Jack Rudolph's on his way to see him and "he already thinks I'm an idiot, I'd rather I wasn't wearing this thing when he..." From behind him, Jack calls, "Jeter!" Heh. Tom explains the sketch to Jack, who sarcastically deems it "brilliant." "It's gonna be funny by Friday," Tom assures Jack, and also any viewers at home who didn't get the memo over the holidays that these sketches aren't supposed to be funny, they're supposed to be works in progress. Jack picks up what looks to be a gas mask on one of those masquerade sticks, and gives Tom the stink-eye. Tom explains that the sketch was Simon's idea. "No kidding," scoffs Jack. (Racist!)
Tom and Jack both retire to Tom's dressing room, where Tom asks Jack for a little help. And so Jack Rudolph, Chairman of NBS, commences unzipping Tom Jeter from his bunch of grapes costume. That's one to file away for the autobiography, Rudolph. Jack explains to Tom that sometimes, in the course of one's life, a great man (such as Jack himself) needs a favor from -- here, Jack inserts an ellipsis full of disdain and condescension -- someone like Tom. And the "someone like Tom" is usually too scared to do anything but say yes. Jack explains that he needs a favor from Zhang Tao. "Well, you should ask him just the way you're asking me," says Tom, who's got his costume pulled up over his head now. "No," Jack sighs, because Zhang, unlike Tom, is an actual person of importance. "Sure," concedes Tom, still lost inside his costume. Hee hee hee to this whole scene. Jack continues to explain -- through Tom's interruptions -- that Zhang's daughter Kim has decided to abandon the viola for the dishonorable pursuit of a career in comedy. Jack tells Tom that "the fate of Western civilization" depends on Tom's talking Kim out of this. To wit: Tom will escort Kim to the dinner being held in Harriet's honor on Thursday night, during which Tom will describe for Kim a life of "rejection, humiliation, unemployment, and wretchedness." He adds that Tom will "at no time touch her in a sexual manner." Tom finally protests that he has a date with Lucy already scheduled, but at Jack's stone-faced reaction to this, Tom concludes that he's going to have to break that date. "What if I screw up?" Tom asks. Jack says that he'll be right at the next table, making sure that doesn't happen. Scary as ever, Jack says that he, as a man who doesn't like relying on other people, is grateful for Tom's cooperation. Then he plows past an apple-suited Dylan on his way out the door, knocking him over. Jack's brusque and off-camera "Sorry!" sing us into the credits.