Back on the roof, Danny tries to shout down to the ground, but they're facing the alley, rather than the street, so that's a no-go. Jordan wants Danny to tell her that he didn't do this on purpose. Oh come on, Jordan. What has Danny done in the past week that would lead you to believe he'd be creepy and controlling enough to lock you both up on the roof together? Danny assures Jordan that he's done with all that, and sad-sacks, "I fell for you, I told you, I courted you every hour of every day. What a jackass am I." As with any sentence that ends with "am I," his sincerity is questionable. Jordan's like, "Actually, you were a jackass." She says that Danny "felt sorry" for her, and then proceeded to ambush and embarrass her. "I felt sorry for you for what?" Danny asks. "Being pregnant by myself," she tells him. Danny's floored, because apparently that's not what he's been telling himself was the reason he started this whole thing. "How can someone so smart and beautiful be so consistently wrong and dumb?" Danny asks. When the Museum of Television and Radio holds their "Female Characters As Written By Aaron Sorkin" panel discussion, that quote is going to be on the banner. Jordan wonders if this is part of the courting, but Danny says that he's done with that. There's more "how can we get off the roof?" talk, until Danny's brain takes a left turn and he remembers who Cal's "electrician" friend really is: "That's Bevo, he's an animal wrangler." Danny connects all the appropriate dots and concludes that there's a snake in the building. He says it's all right, though, because they're on the roof. "You think snakes don't know how to crawl up?" Jordan asks. Danny gulps and gets very afraid. I'm not sure he should be all that worried, provided that the snake hasn't fallen in love with Danny.
Tom's Table of Nightmares. Kim's moved on to champagne. Tom talks about how hard it is to make it in comedy, and Kim's drunk ass laughs in his face, because she not only got into Juilliard, she also got into some even more exclusive conservatory in Beijing. I thought for sure she was going to make the next logical step of inviting Tom to the even more exclusive than that club of people who've gotten into her pants. I'm sorry, I'm grossing myself out, because I just saw Julia Ling on The O.C. as a high-school band geek, and that girl is far too young to be having sexy thoughts about Tom. Thankfully, Darius cuts through the bedroom eyes so that he can make another attempt at reconciling with Simon, who wants to know what Darius is doing there. "Harriet gave us tickets," Darius tells him. Simon instructs "Amos" to go back to his table. Tom picks up on the thing about Harriet giving "us" tickets and, on cue, Lucy approaches the table. She's all, "Celebrity waiter, eh? With the uniform and everything?" Tom can't exactly say anything in his defense, what with Kim sitting right there, of course. "We hadn't even been out on a date yet," Lucy says, sadly. "Aren't you supposed to wait until you've slept with me to acting like a creep?" Embarrassed, she scoots away. Kim asks, with more satisfaction in her face than I'm comfortable with, whether that was Tom's girlfriend. Tom says no, but that he had to break a date with her to be here. Simon says that this is fixable -- as I register my objection to Tom's taking advice from any of his friends, ever -- and Kim agrees. Kim's method of fixing things is to hand Tom a shot of tequila, which he downs in resignation. Kim then grabs Tom by his tie and pulls his face in for an aggressive meeting with her face. Inches away from critical mass, Jack Rudolph swoops in like a superhero intent on saving Kim's virtue. Women United Through Abstinence should give him an award. He pulls Tom up, and Tom asks Kim to confirm that he's being a gentleman. "He's an animal!" Kim slurs. Tom -- who's gotten pretty slurry himself all of a sudden, which makes me think Kim slipped him a roofie in that last shot; we'll see next week if I'm wrong -- yelps, "I am not an animal!" Jack pulls Tom aside, and Tom assures Jack that he's doing his best. Jack says that's not good enough, and suggests that Tom shoot for someone else's best before throwing the poor guy back in his seat.