Matt runs into Tom next, and asks him what Jack wanted to see him about "last night." Tom recaps (right on!) about Kim, the viola, Thursday's dinner, and his previously-agreed-upon date with Lucy. "And?" Matt asks. Tom says that he'll just tell Lucy what happened. Matt says that while the truth sure seems like a good idea, Lucy is, in reality, just a dumb girl and will only really understand the phrase "dinner with another woman," and then Tom's budding romance with her will be sunk. See, this is why I stick to boys: girls are just so fucking stupid. ["Huh, what? Sorry, I was twirling my hair around my finger and then it got stuck to my gum." -- Wing Chun] So Matt -- the very last person whose advice regarding healthy romantic relationships you'd heed -- is now apparently the office Loveline. Perfect. Though in Tom's case, it's a bit of a karmic payback for giving Matt the idea for the dumb-ass go-go boot gambit.
Tom scurries off, and Suzanne approaches, giving Matt the latest on the date auction: Luke hasn't dropped out yet, but everyone else has: Luke's last bid was $5,300. "You know," says Matt, "for $5,300, I could buy her dinner in Maui." Actually, you could buy her dinner on two consecutive evening in Maui, considering the matching funds you're giving to the Big Love Fan Club. I'd suggest that maybe Maui would be a more impressive gesture than the date auction, but that would assume Matt's not more focused on his eternal dick-measuring contest with Luke. Suzanne suggests that "lukes5858" may not even be Luke Scott, but Matt's undeterred: Luke's "NYU student film" was titled 58. Wait, last week Matt said it was his first indie film, now it's his NYU student film? Do those things even count? (Don't email me, film-school people; go back to your gritty realism.) Matt says that only Luke or someone obsessed with Luke would know about 58. Well, he served it over the plate, so I suppose Suzanne is obligated to point out that Matt knew the title. Obsessy McGee doesn't really have an answer for that, so he just instructs Suzanne to bid $5,301. "$5,302 to the sex club?" asks Suzanne. Matt explains that it's not a sex club, but a polyamorous society dedicated to the something-or-other. Suzanne says that, whoever they are, they want to give Matt an award for his generosity: "I should say no?" "Eh," Matt allows, "an award's an award." I believe that's what it says on the People's Choice Awards press release.