Mutual of Omaha's Wildly Pointless Subplot. Bevo's looking at the video monitor and tells Cal that -- good news! -- the viper is alive. The bad news is that it's blocking the exit, and the coyote is afraid of the snake, and the ferret is afraid of the viper. So -- and try to act surprised -- all three animals are now stuck underneath the stage. "Mother Nature's an inscrutable force," sighs Bevo. Yeah, so's the American viewing public, and there's already a too-small percentage of them who watch this show, and I doubt they're going to be compelled to stick around to see if the damn ferret survives. And just when it couldn't get any worse, Nona, the American Humane rep, shows up. Cal tries to lie, at first, saying that the coyote was needed for an Old West sketch, but Nona needs to see the animal, so Cal blows his stack and blurts out the entire wacky situation up to this point. Nona points out that "this is a problem." It's potentially a problem to the tune of $20,000 in fines, per animal, and maybe some jail time. Cal's like, "Okay, or..." "Rip up the damn floor," says Nona, "and get the animals out of there." Cal balks at this, because he's still trying to get out of this situation without letting Matt or Danny or anyone else know. Dude, Mr. Furley is going to flip out when he finds out there's a snake underneath his stage. Nona gets on the phone and starts to call the authorities, so Cal caves. He says that he's going to rip up the stage: "And when I find these animals, I'm gonna cook 'em, and I'm gonna eat 'em!" So...are we all caught up now? Cal's going to cook and eat the snake and the ferret. It's important to understand all the nuances and complexities of the plot. You can't watch this show while doing your laundry or balancing your checkbook, after all.
Back at the dinner, Jack comes upon what looks to be Tom Jeter trying to force a passed-out Kim to drink some water. Jack is, understandably, put out. Tom says, and Simon confirms, that it happened "really fast." Tom babbles, "She wanted to take me back to her room and dance for me." "You didn't do that, right?" Jack demands. "She's twenty years old." "She's Courtney Love, Jack," Tom returns. Oh come on, Tom. She's obviously not Courtney Love. I can see right now that her legs are closed. Jack says that Kim is staying at the Beverly Wilshire, but that they're going to need to sober her up before taking her back to her father. Jack says that they'll take her back to Tom's dressing room. Tom objects, saying that he's got a thing with a girl who he had to lie to tonight, and he was hoping to-- At this point, Jack cuts him off, as he completely does not care. Tom's like, "Okay, sir." Heh. Jack leaves to go have the car brought around. You think maybe Tom could've shaved before coming to the dinner tonight? His haphazardly-grown neck stubble is distracting.