Up on the stage, Catholic Lady is reading something about people and their special gifts -- just don't give anyone that special gift before marriage, young lady -- while off in the wings, Matt and Harriet gear up to start Round 85. Matt wants to bring things back to his favorite subject: Luke. He asks how Harriet answered Luke's request to date her again. She didn't say anything, but she thought about it. She remembered what being with Luke was like, and she thought about being with him again -- sleeping with him again. "And then I'd stop," she says, "out of an attachment to you that isn't real." After a pause, she adds, "I feel like I'm cheating on you," but Matt tells her to stop. And instead of "You had me at hello," he tells her that she lost him at "sleeping with Luke": "There's really nothing to say after that." Because an hour and a half of Harriet making clear how she feels manipulated and dicked around and unloved didn't sink in until Matt heard that she wanted to have sex with his rival. He stares angrily at her for an eternity until Catholic Lady calls him to the podium to make his speech. I suppose it's too soon to suggest that Matt turn this whole "Harriet wants to fuck Luke" thing into an object lesson on abstinence, huh?
At the podium, Matt tries to tell some joke about a banquet full of Catholic priests, and while I brace myself for him to go all Don Rickles on every monsignor and busboy in the room, Harriet looks on in disbelief, because what happens is that Matt totally chokes. Cannot get the setup out of his mouth correctly, so instead he just jumps to the punch line: "If this is poverty, I can't wait to see chastity." That reminds me of an infinitely less appropriate joke about nuns at the gates of St. Peter, the punch line of which is "There's no way I'm putting my mouth in there after she's stuck her ass in there," but since I'm already damned to the infernal fires, I won't waste my time trying to cobble together the setup. The point is: Matt can't tell a joke (which I guess makes him and Harriet even), and once again, it's Harriet's fault that Matt can't be funny. Curse those women and their feminine wiles; they'll be the downfall of men yet. The joke having failed, Matt attempts to list Harriet's many charitable contributions, and when even that proves out of his reach, he instead just calls Harriet to the stage. I'd say that the audience likely turned to their cocktails to relieve the awkwardness, but...it's the Catholics. They're waaaaaaaay ahead of me.