Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
The West Coast Delay

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The West Coast Delay

Matt finally notices the giant wooden bat in Harriet's hand, and asks whether it's for him. Harriet offers it as a non-romantic gift for doing two great shows in a row. It's signed by Darren Wells, who I guess is a baseball player, and she got it when she sang the national anthem at the Dodgers game. Matt gets all suspicious: "Wait, he gave this to you?" Harriet says yes, and now she's giving it to him. Matt thinks that there might be something missing from this story, and finds it when he notices that Darren has written his phone number on the end of the bat. Matt is no longer pleased with this completely romantic non-romantic gift. Harriet tries to blow it off, all, "Oh, I just thought that was his uniform number!" Matt: "You thought his uniform number was three billion, one hundred and six million, seven hundred eighty-six thousand, five hundred? He was ASKING YOU OUT." Harriet thinks, now that she's had some time to reflect upon it, that Matt might be right. Matt can't believe she just gave him the equivalent of a used cocktail napkin. They then proceed to get into a big fight about it. Harriet says that she wasn't trying to make him jealous. Matt wants to know if Darren Wells asked her out. Harriet does that thing where she pretends she didn't hear him to buy herself some time to come up with a better answer than the truth, but she loves Jesus and Jesus hates lies, so she confesses that Darren has asked her out, and that they've had dinner. And as a bonus, he's coming to the show on Friday! She says as she's stomping out of the room that she didn't give Matt the bat to be mean -- it was an honest mistake. Matt doesn't believe her, and accuses her of being manipulative. Oh, just make out already. Harriet calls Matt "Skipper," and says that if she wanted to make Matt jealous, he'd certainly be jealous. Matt: "I AM jealous!" Harriet's like, "Well, bonus for me!" Matt can't respond, because Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike -- wait, sorry, wrong decade. Cool it, now. Ricky and Ron have arrived to tell Matt that they've got ninety seconds of good material for him. Harriet suddenly (and inexplicably? The timing is really weird) calls up the stairs, "Are we done?" Matt yells back that he's certain they're not, and then turns around and reads what Ricky/Ron have handed him. "This is funny," he declares I'm certain it's not, but okay. Credits.

Jordan's at dinner with the always fabulous Christine Lahti. Well, always except when she's screeching at her sons Jack & Bobby. Sorry, Berlanti. BFF! Christine Lahti, whose name here is Martha O'Dell, marvels that Jordan's network has its restaurant open for dinner. Jordan says she figures that if she's going to make everyone work late, she might as well feed them, and then reveals that her ex-husband is self-publishing his book about her on the internet. I hope he already has a blog with a huge following and at least sixteen ads on all three of his sidebars, or he's going to sell about four copies, and three of those will go to his mother. I'll buy the other for setting individual pages on fire to light my Parliaments. Martha wonders how the "NBS Burger" is prepared, while Jordan's assistant rushes over some papers for her to sign. Jordan tells Martha that they prepare the burger here, in the kitchen, and introduces her assistant, a cutie named Kevin Yu. Kevin tells Martha that he reads her every week, so we learn that she's a writer of some kind. Fine, she's a reporter. I, like Jessica, am also too old to pretend I don't know what's going on. Jordan -- whose hair looks extremely cute up in a little bun with a headband -- doesn't understand why she married this jerk in the first place, and why she didn't have a friend to tackle her to the ground and prevent it. Martha says that if they're going to talk about it, it's going on the record. Jordan says that this isn't about her. Martha, chewing casually on a swizzle stick, inquires, "Then I have to ask you...what's the NBS salad?" Heh. Jordan says that most of the menu items are pretty intuitive. Martha informs Jordan that it is, in fact, about her: Jordan flipped off half the country and the TV business on her first day at work: "You can be a woman, look like you do, have the power you do, but...not all at the same time." I don't even know what that means. She can be an ugly woman with power, or a pretty woman with no power, or a pretty and powerful...man? Why do only the men get to be both pretty and powerful? Jordan pouts, "Well, you do it twice a week in print, so nyah!" Martha says no, she just doesn't care about it: "Google me, and you'll find a lot worse than DUI in Sag Harbor." Martha assures Jordan that it's not as bad as she thinks, and that everyone else just thinks it's funny anyway. Jordan understands that, but says that the ones who are going to have to be convinced that "this" is a good idea are Matt and Danny, so Martha and Jordan are going to go see them. Martha asks what the best way to make a good impression is. Jordan points to Martha's NBS Dinners. Martha rolls her eyes, undoes the top button of her blouse, and smirks, "Easy as pie." Mmm, pie.

Down in the S60 cast's Den of Iniquity, Simon practices his new lines: "America's gulf coast is gearing up for another hurricane season. This year's storms threaten to be worse than last year's, when tens of thousands of African-American families were forced to flee their homes. A spokesman for the Army Corps of Engineers is guaranteeing that the new levee will be ready in time to protect the new building projects from surges of water and black people." Jesus. Someone hanging around remarks that it's too long. Someone recapping it would like to add that it's also not funny. Harriet breezes in and tells the gang to feel free to use her dressing room any time for rehearsal. They're all, "Great, thanks." An unnamed (to me, anyway) cast member who bears a striking resemblance to Ming-Na (because all Asians look alike) asks Harriet if she gave Matt the bat, and if he liked it. Harriet: "I'm not sure. It was hard to tell from the way he was shoving it up my ass." See? Now that's funny. She explains to Ming-Na the sadness about Darren's number being on the bat, and how he's coming to the show on Friday, and that it's not the same as Matt sleeping with someone she works with every day. Jeannie is like, "Sitting right here!" Harriet ignores this and goes back to complaining to Ming-Na. She complains for such an annoyingly long amount of time that Matt has the opportunity to walk downstairs, exit the building, get hit by a bus, recuperate in the hospital, go to physical therapy to learn to walk again, walk back into the building and into Harriet's dressing room, and tell Simon that he wants him to do his bit as an editorial. Lord have mercy. At this point Harriet is telling Ming-Na that the reason Harriet and Darren get along so well is that Darren knows how to both talk AND listen. Matt snarks that maybe the reason they get along so well is because they both have about the same chance of getting a hit in a major league baseball game. Harriet: "I loathe you." Hee. Simon hints around that he kind of maybe wants to do some of his own stuff instead of what he's holding in his hand. Matt insists that he do this material; it's from Ricky and Ron. Ricky pipes up that it was actually "the room." Matt says that he'll be in his office, which gives Nate Corddry the perfect chance to jump up and follow him and probably be adorable.

Nate follows Matt like a tiny precious puppy dog, and asks if he needs any help. Matt says that he's all right; he's trying to get something going on Meet the Press With Juliette Lewis (heh!), but he's not quite there yet. Nate's all, "Yeeaah. I meant with Harriet." They pedeconference as Nate explains this is exactly like what just happened with his ex Paula, and now Paula's dating a cardiologist, and Nate knows that Harriet is making Matt fe

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Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

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