In the hallway, Simon Says he figures he can do the rest of Willy's act for him, starting with how he likes his bitches with a big ol' ass. Willy, on cue from the stage, moves on to the "badonkadonk" material. Simon's pissed at Willy's idea that black people are different from white people in that they "don't pay their bills, respect the law, women, or each other." I like the irony of Simon -- after lamenting the fact that he doesn't feel like he has a voice in the writers' room -- unfurling such a patently Sorkinesque sentence and sounding pretty uncomfortable while doing so. Not sure if that was the intent. He apologizes to Matt for wasting his time, but Matt offers to stick around for a bit and buy Simon a beer.

Cal's gathered up Lilly to be his witness to snatching Eli Wallach's wallet. He does so and produces a Department of Veterans' Affairs card with the name "Eli Weinraub" on it, so it's nice we don't have to stop calling him "Eli." Eli looks scared and guilty as he confirms this. Cal asks Lilly if the V.A. has a number he can call to get Eli's address. Lilly basically says she knows a guy -- gotta love a tertiary character who "knows a guy" -- and sets off to get an address. "Nice trick with the Hollywood Ten," says Cal. "But I'm not as dumb as I look." Eli smiles and babbles and, once again, goes back to looking pensive after Cal leaves. Okay, old man. A dab of that'll do ya.

Back in the studio, a dance club has broken out, and the Simple Sisters are going through their "we've been dating musicians" spiel on Darren Wells and a ballplayer buddy of his. Jordan approaches, and some puffy douche who looks a whole lot like Glenn Guglia from The Wedding Singer gets all gatekeeper about the Darren Wells Inner Circle, and also manages to hit on Jordan at the same time. "I'm Jordan McDeere," she says, "and you're drinking my booze." I love how many different ways there are to say "go fuck yourself." It's really quite the versatile language we have. Darren makes the save -- get it? SAVE! Because he's a relief pitcher! -- and charmingly introduces himself. Jordan asks if he'd sign a baseball for her, and Alex and Soratio produce the closest they could come to actual baseballs: an orange that Props painted to look like a baseball, and a baseball that explodes. Luckily, Darren's just toolish enough that he carries some baseballs around with him, and in a second we'll see why. "So," says Darren as he begins to sign, "you like the clubs?" "The Cubs?" Jordan asks. No, in fact, Darren means the sex clubs. Like he's been reading about in the gossip rags. Jordan's all, "Uncool, dude! Not in front of my new friends Alex and Soratio!" She takes the ball and tells Darren to piss off (using the "appreciate it" idiom), and as she walks away, she takes a look at what he wrote on the ball and sighs in exasperation.