Elsewhere in the building, in what looks to be a lobby or lobby-esque area, Cal comes upon a decrepit old guy being harassed by Security. The decrepit old guy is being played by Eli Wallach, who I swear to God I had seen in one of those "In Memoriam" montages at the Oscars a few years ago. Maybe that was Burgess Meredith. ["If his appearance in this episode is any indication, I think we may be seeing him in that montage next year. He's got that same too-skinny face that Charles Durning's been rocking lately." -- Wing Chun] Eli's sort of babbling, but the gist is that he was wandering around the studio and took a framed picture off the wall. Cal asks Eli's name, and Eli seniles some word soup in response. Cal pulls Security aside, saying he doesn't think that Eli is indigent or a thief, but that he may have Alzheimer's or something like it. Before Cal can finish, Eli butts in, raving that he "can't go back to Tars and Spars." This really gets Cal's attention, and he starts smiling as the score wistfully tells us that we're about to learn a heartwarming lesson about respecting our elders tonight. Awesome! Cal tells Eli to have a seat for a few minutes; in return, Cal will let him keep the picture. Eli pulls his wits together long enough to deem this a "good bargain." As he leads the old man away, Cal explains to the security guard that this guy is a "fan of Sid Caesar." That actually does explain the senility, yes.
Back from commercials, Tom is leading his parents through a corridor in the studio, talking about how it started out as a burlesque house where Gypsy Rose Lee signed her name on the wall, which leads Mom to bemoan the fact that her son knows what strippers are and how West Hollywood is all seedy. "I like looking at naked women as much as anyone," says Tom. "I just don't like it to be a crowd experience." Mom doesn't like this kind of talk, at which Tom just hangs his head and says, "I understand." He's got the puppy mannerisms down pat, I must say. He moves on through the studio's vaudeville history, where it saw such acts as Don Ameche, Burns and Allen, and "two young guys named Bud Abbott and Lou Costello" who tried out "Who's On First" one fateful night. Dad is all, "You say that like it's famous." Oh. Oh, I see. Apparently somebody sounded an alarm in Columbus one day and everyone in town took to underground fallout shelters and no one ever thought to tell them that everything was okay, so they just stayed there, had a child, sent him off to live in Los Angeles, and didn't emerge until a few days ago when they packed up the minivan and set out to see what all the fuss was about these "moving pictures." They don't know who Abbott and Costello are! Some Amish guy just crashed his horse and buggy because he was laughing so hard at the idea that two grown people could not even recognize the names Abbott and Costello. The guy in Plato's cave just stuck his head out and screamed, "Are they fucking serious?!" So, you know, Tom's parents just stopped being people and are now instead giant sandwich boards that read "Culturally Ignorant Midwesterners." That should make things much easier to recap.