Back on the floor, Laci is using air quotes to try to get Matt to explain, once again, how this "wry-ting" stuff works. Matt's getting frustrated, because being the only smart one in the room is so trying, you don't even know. Treasure's all ADD when she sees Simon approaching, and asks Matt if he knows him and could introduce them. Matt gets pissed that the girls don't realize he's the boss of everyone in the room. Whatever, Matt, like anyone is smart enough for your standards. But who doesn't love a cheap joke about dumb girls, am I right? ["Huh? Sorry, I didn't catch that; I was twirling my gum around my finger and it totally got caught in my hair!" -- Wing Chun]
Anyway, here's Simon, who's got another Very Special Plotline slung over his shoulder, so that should help. He pulls Matt off to the side and asks him to head off to the Improv tonight and catch this Willy Willz guy. Matt begs off, citing "Harriet and Sandy Koufax" as his reason, and suggests that Simon get Danny. Simon doesn't want Danny, because Danny's not the one who doesn't employ a single black writer in his writers' room. Matt naturally gets indignant at the implication that he's racist, and says he didn't hire any of the writers on staff right now. The "and I don't even let their hacky asses write anything for the show anyway, so who cares?" is silent. Matt does ask Simon whether this is a "diversity issue," and Simon Says, "Yeah." I guess Matt expected Simon to back down, because he's just like, "...okay." But then Simon does back down (?) and reframes it as a "not everybody went to Harvard" issue -- which is as weirdly double-bagged a statement here (Matt didn't go to Harvard, and Simon himself went to Yale Drama, yes?) as it was in The West Wing when charges of Jed Bartlet's Ivy League elitism were always deflected by the golden dome of Notre Dame. Matt chooses to get insulted at the implication that he's not writing well enough for Simon, and of course, Simon has to brush that off as ridiculous. He just thinks there is comedy to be mined from experiences beyond Matt's frame of reference, not to mention a "language in which [Matt] is not fluent." Matt's defense to all this: he was a bartender at a club where Patti LaBelle used to perform. Awesome. Nobody brings the street cred like Miss "I've Got a New Attitude." Matt wistfully tells a story about how all the club's black patrons would flock to the black bartender and not him, which he always thought was stupid since he could "mix a Courvoisier and Diet Coke like anybody else." Simon Says that's the kind of joke Matt would be too liberal-guilt-ridden to write for the show. The bottom line here: Simon's insulted that there are no black writers on the show, while Matt's insulted that Simon thinks he needs help writing the show. Simon Says that Matt's just gonna have to stand there and be insulted, then. And since Matt clearly can't let the black guy get the last word, he offers to drive to the Improv. Oh, kidding. Matt can't let anyone get the last word.