Simon Says that he's going to see some under-the-radar comic named Willy Wilson, though he sometimes goes by "Willy Willz." Simon's then interrupted by Tom's mom and dad, who are, incidentally, played by total Hey! It's That Guy!s. Though I can only place the mom (Nancy Lenehan) as Joyce Summers's friend Pat in that episode of Buffy where everyone's a major bitch. Mom's wearing a cardigan, which probably tells you all you'll need to know for now. Dad's wearing a plaid shirt, modest blazer, and the permanent scowl of the emotionally distant and disapproving father. "Dammit, Tom," it seems to say, "I'm a coal miner, not a professional film and television actor." ("MerMAN!" cries Tom in anguish. "MerMAN.") After some awkward hugs and handshakes, Tom asks his parents how they liked the show. Mom will be doing all the talking, since Dad's hands are pretty full with all the silent disappointment. Mom says that the show was "interesting," and that Mom and Dad felt like "Hollwyood big shots," like Joan Rivers could pop up at any moment and ask them what they were wearing. But Halloween isn't for another couple of weeks. Simon tells them to be wary of Ms. Rivers anyway, since she really could pop up at any time. This gives Tom room to introduce his parents to Simon, and Mom immediately mentions how Dad got a "little crush" on Halle Berry after they saw her in that James Bond movie. Tom's very theatrically groany, and says he's sure Simon will let her know "at the next meeting." Simon's more gracious than that, and politely excuses himself, bringing Tom out into the hallway with him. Where he promptly grabs the young pup by the ear and admonishes Tom not to be an ass, because his father "works for a living." As opposed to Simon and Tom, who are living on the dole or whatever. Tom's sufficiently chastened by his fake big brother and offers to take his parents on a tour of the studio. And also on a tour of the Hiiiiiistory of Coooooomedy! But we'll get to that.
Cut to Matt's office, where Lauren Graham is rifling through his fridge for some booze. That's my girl. Danny enters and starts smarming it up about how talented and attractive Lauren is. In fact, he uses the phrase "hot buttered biscuit," and, which is an example of a line that's objectively awful, but I buy it coming from Whitford, but only because I dislike him, or at least his public persona, so I'm not sure that's such a good thing. Anyway, Lauren starts bitching him out about one of her sketches getting cut, and Danny immediately starts falling on his sword so hard that it's immediately obvious he's covering for Matt...who enters as Lauren turns and asks him why her sketch was cut. Banter banter banter: it was an overlong setup and Lauren had many fine sketches that didn't get cut, "including a hilarious send-up of your character on Calico Gals." "Gilmore Girls," Lauren corrects. Danny: "I told you to write it down." And I'm positive that joke is saying Gilmore is too girly for Matt to watch, but after this show has so painstakingly made its case for being the smartest kid in the classroom, it's hard to shake the impression that Gilmore is too stupid for Matt to watch. Again, the danger of smugging yourself out of the marketplace. And besides, people who pretend to be ignorant of widely-known cultural signposts in an attempt to be cooler/smarter/manlier than everyone else should be looked down upon just as much as those douches on We Open Suitcases For An Hour or whatever the hell that Howie Mandel show is called. ANYway, Matt apologizes and writes his phone number down on a note card for Lauren to use in case she wants coffee or a basketball game (OR SEX!), and urges her to pass it on to "the girl who plays your kid on the show." I like the idea that, just as Darren Wells put his number on a baseball bat, Matt's writing his number on an index card, his equivalent professional equipment. And...there's just no way the word "equipment" can not sound dirty, I'm sorry. The alternative, just so you know, is "tool," so I'm kind of up against a wall here. Lauren gives Matt this great "nice try, though" look and walks past him and almost out the door...before she turns around and, with a "this is humiliating," snatches the card out of Matt's hand. And that's the last we'll see of Lauren Graham, which takes the "characters I don't want to flick in the eyeball" percentage for this episode down quite a bit.