Back from commercials, Tom is leading his parents through a corridor in the studio, talking about how it started out as a burlesque house where Gypsy Rose Lee signed her name on the wall, which leads Mom to bemoan the fact that her son knows what strippers are and how West Hollywood is all seedy. "I like looking at naked women as much as anyone," says Tom. "I just don't like it to be a crowd experience." Mom doesn't like this kind of talk, at which Tom just hangs his head and says, "I understand." He's got the puppy mannerisms down pat, I must say. He moves on through the studio's vaudeville history, where it saw such acts as Don Ameche, Burns and Allen, and "two young guys named Bud Abbott and Lou Costello" who tried out "Who's On First" one fateful night. Dad is all, "You say that like it's famous." Oh. Oh, I see. Apparently somebody sounded an alarm in Columbus one day and everyone in town took to underground fallout shelters and no one ever thought to tell them that everything was okay, so they just stayed there, had a child, sent him off to live in Los Angeles, and didn't emerge until a few days ago when they packed up the minivan and set out to see what all the fuss was about these "moving pictures." They don't know who Abbott and Costello are! Some Amish guy just crashed his horse and buggy because he was laughing so hard at the idea that two grown people could not even recognize the names Abbott and Costello. The guy in Plato's cave just stuck his head out and screamed, "Are they fucking serious?!" So, you know, Tom's parents just stopped being people and are now instead giant sandwich boards that read "Culturally Ignorant Midwesterners." That should make things much easier to recap.
Back on the floor, Laci is using air quotes to try to get Matt to explain, once again, how this "wry-ting" stuff works. Matt's getting frustrated, because being the only smart one in the room is so trying, you don't even know. Treasure's all ADD when she sees Simon approaching, and asks Matt if he knows him and could introduce them. Matt gets pissed that the girls don't realize he's the boss of everyone in the room. Whatever, Matt, like anyone is smart enough for your standards. But who doesn't love a cheap joke about dumb girls, am I right? ["Huh? Sorry, I didn't catch that; I was twirling my gum around my finger and it totally got caught in my hair!" -- Wing Chun]