Stylista
Stylista

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: A- | 1111 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Personal Shoppers

Finally, we have Team Needs-Improvement (Jason, Kate, Devin, and William). Their looks are extremely monochromatic and boring. Maybe Anne Slowey will think it's minimalist and approve. After the show, Kate grumbles that her team didn't listen to her, so she ended up looking "like a little girl playing dress-up at the country club." She concludes she lost herself in the transformation. Cue sad-face Kate shots (of which, I'm sure, there are many).

Later, Brett gives the teams their photos and one hour to design their page. They get to work, and there is some confusion on Team MAD. Megan insists (wrongly) that the team is supposed to write 30 words total, not the 30 words each team member is meant to write about him/herself. Arnaldo takes his usual "slink into the shadows" approach, and Bossy Boots gets her way. As time ticks down. Arnaldo admits he's nervous because it's his dream to be a writer. Here's one tip: Aspire to more than 30 words. Though, technically, I think he only got 10.

Later that night, Anne Slowey and her henchmen parade before the trembling peasants. She reminds them of the prizes -- a one-year editorial contract at ELLE, an apartment, and a one-year clothing allowance from H&M (what's that, like $50 and some Tic-Tacs?). She introduces regular judge Joe Zee and this week's guest judge, Kate Lanphear, ELLE's Senior Fashion and Style Editor. Let the judgment begin!

Team 1 says they wanted to introduce themselves and their personal style while spotlighting spring trends. Their page is fairly boring, straightforward, and blocky. Hell, the mock-up that Brett showed them was more interesting. And, oh yeah, Dyshaun has chosen the shot of his Colin Farrell outfit. Why? Why, God, why? Tony asks about outfit choice. After some explanation, he suggests alterations to their looks. Anne rips on Dyshaun's mandals, saying she doesn't want to see toes in the workplace. Amen, sister.

Team MAD reveals their layout -- all seven pictures and 30 words of it. It is totally a fashion spread and totally not a "Contributors" page. From the looks of it, not one of them has ever even read a "Contributors" page. Arnaldo sells the shit out of this hot mess, but it is fundamentally not the assignment. Somehow this flies over the head of Anne Slowey -- perhaps to Williamsburg to find William's clothes? -- because she compliments the layout and moves on to the clothing evaluation. I'm beginning to suspect she is contractually barred from criticizing Danielle for at least five episodes.

Stylista

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