...this week's motel room -- which, as Anteka of Plastic Winchester Theatre so kindly informed us, the set crew entitled "The Kinkade Suite," partly because the room's horrifically tacky winter mural and this episode's gruesome holiday theme blend nicely with Thomas Kinkade's appalling works of art, but mainly to bust Jared Padalecki's chops for agreeing to play Kinkade in what's certain to become an instant holiday classic. Also decorating the room's walls? Antique Austrian greeting cards featuring Krampus and his two-foot-long tongue. "Saucy!" titters Raoul, who's well on his way to being half in the bag. We find Darling Sammy and his remarkably healthy forearms furiously tapping away on his laptop's keyboard as El Deano arrives with provisions and a hearty-sounding "So, was I right? Is it the serial-killing chimney sweep?" Sam offers a Mary Poppins joke Dean is too dim to understand, so they skitter past the feeble attempt at humor to note that Jim Walsh was actually the second Ypsilanti gentleman to get sucked up his chimney over the last couple of days. "So, what the hell do you think we're dealing with?" Dean asks. "Actually, I have an idea," Super-Smart Sammy allows, "but it's gonna sound crazy." "What could you possibly say that sounds crazy to me?" Dean rhetorically wonders. "'Evil Santa,'" Sam grins. Dean grinningly takes the bait: "Yeah, that's crazy." Crazy, perhaps, but of course grounded in centuries of folklore Sam's unearthed, and after Belsnickel and Zwarte Piet get name-checked, Sam runs through the basic story: Back in the day, Santa had a naughty brother who now races around the world during the month of December to punish the wicked. I think the guy just knocked up Britney Spears again. And in case you were wondering, that would be his way of punishing all of us, as the nonstop media coverage Bit-Bit's third spawning in as many years would guarantee.
Back on topic, Dean protests, "Santa doesn't have a brother -- there is no Santa!" "Yeah, I know," Sam huffily sniffs. "You're the one who told me that in the first place, remember?" Dean widens his eyes a bit in surprise at this childish outburst, then gets a deeply guilty look on his face, and ah, The Angst. We all knew it was coming this episode, as it must in all holiday specials, but whoever would have guessed how little I've missed it? "Everyone?!" shrieks Raoul, trying to be helpful. My question was as rhetorical as Dean's was a couple of sentences ago, Raoul. Why don't you have another flagon? "If you insist!" In any event, after fidgeting under El Deano's sullen gaze for a moment, Darling Sammy flops his arms around and admits he's likely wrong with the whole ridiculous Bad Santa thing, but Dean steps up to surprise him with, "Maybe, maybe not -- I did a little digging, [and it] turns out both victims visited the same place before they got snatched." "Where?" Sam gasps.