The Suckage Of Christmas Past. Wee Dean finally reenters that filthy hole of a Nebraska motel room and hurls a bag of Funyuns at Wee Sam, who's supposed to eat them for dinner, and wow. Wee Dean sucks, so I'll be zipping through his scenes before this shitty little dicksmack ruins the entire episode for me. Long story short, while Wee Dean was out procuring junk food for dinner, Wee Sam rifled the filthy motel room for answers to his questions, uncovering both the gun Wee Dean keeps under his pillow and their worthless bastard of a so-called father's demonic day planner in the process. "Are monsters real?" Wee Sam demands, avec a tiny little bit of the wee bitchface, so Wee Dean knows his brother means business. Unfortunately, Wee Dean chooses to preface his answer by spewing an ocean of bullshit regarding Sucky John's superior strength of character, or whatever, so let's get to the point: Yes, monsters are real, and their worthless bastard of a so-called father's supposedly out there fighting one of them right now. When Wee Sam then wonders if Santa is real, too, Wee Dean's forced to admit that no, Santa -- and by implication all the rest of the good stuff -- is fake, and only the monsters truly exist. No wonder these two are so fucked up as adults. Wee Sam's anxiety quickly escalates, because he read in the day planner that the monsters killed their mother, and if the monsters killed their mother, then the monsters can kill their father, and then the monsters will kill them, and if that happens, then...! "It's not like that!" Wee Dean interrupts, not unkindly, as he sits down next to Wee Sam. "We're fine," he assures his brother. "Trust me." After a moment, Wee Dean asks, "You okay?" "Yeah," Wee Sam LIES, having turned his now-weeping face away from Wee Dean. Wee Dean attempts to further reassure Wee Sam that their worthless bastard of a so-called father will be back in time for Christmas, but Wee Sam's having none of it, and he curls up on his sordid little motel room bed to cry himself to sleep. "It'll all be better when you wake up," Wee Dean vows. "You'll see -- I promise." Were shattered Wee Sam able to respond without betraying the fact that he's now sobbing, he'd likely tell his mendacious older brother to shove his empty promises up his ass. As it is, though, he simply allows his bitter, bitter tears to drop silently into the CHOMP-less commercial break.
Episode Report CardDemian: A | 1355 USERS: B
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