Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 6 USERS: A+
Every Hardy Boy Plays the Fool

Out on the now-sunny though still-damp streets of Carthage, Our Intrepid Heroes plus Ellen and Jo -- all of them armed with sawed-off shotguns -- wander aimlessly about, fretting over Castiel's disappearance until they're...confronted by a demonically enhanced Scientologist! DUN! "There you are!" Meg coos, magically appearing behind the group. "Shouldn't have come here, boys!" she tauntingly continues. "I could say the same thing for you," Dean blusters, aiming The Fucking Colt at her head, and then -- get this -- he utterly and completely fails to blast a hole through her goddamned skull. Oh, Dean. Oh, stupid, stupid Dean. Meg introduces them all to her invisible Hellhound friends, who promptly snarl and bat at the puddles around her feet, then suggests they quietly surrender and follow her for a meet-and-greet with her "father." Dean hesitates, silently eyeing Ellen for confirmation, which he receives when she offers him the briefest nod of her head, so he redirects The Fucking Colt towards the ground and fires. "VIOLENCE!" A spray of bitterly black demonic goo erupts from the invisible Hellhound at Meg's feet -- splattering her stylish high-heeled boots, by the way -- and as one invisible Hellhound keels over dead, the rest of the pack charges. "Run!' Dean screams, and The Frantic Fantastic Four tear off towards shelter, but alas! One of the charging Hellhounds tackles Dashing El Deano to the asphalt, so Jo spins around to plug the thing full of rock salt, and just as she's subdued the snarling beastie, another Hellhound tackles her to the asphalt and rips open her stomach! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" By the way, I should note that the first Hellhound had ample opportunity to rip open Dashing El Deano's stomach as well, yet Our Intrepid Hero escaped entirely unmarked. Make of that what you will. And what you will make of that because I told you so is this: The Harvelle Girls -- along with any other Winchester ally Lucifer's many minions might encounter -- are fair game, but The Hardy Boys are to be left untouched, for whatever nefarious reason. In any event, Dean scoops the grievously injured Jo up into his arms, and Our Intrepid Heroes plus Ellen scamper into the relative safety of a conveniently located hardware store. As Ellen presses her bare hands into Jo's garishly gaping wound, Sam and Dean chain shut the doors before laying down thick lines of rock salt at every access point, leaving the baying Hellhounds to hurl themselves ineffectually against the conveniently located hardware store's fa├žade. For now. And once things have calmed down a bit, Our Dear Boys loom over Jo's prone and ashen form just in time to watch as Ellen gingerly draws her hands away from the sucking hole in Jo's torso, allowing a fresh gout of blood to spurt directly into the METAL TEETH CHOMP! "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Conveniently Located Hardware Store. Aftermath. Ellen's patched Jo up as best she could given the severely limited health-care supplies available to them at the moment, but as Sam notes in a quiet moment off to the side with Dean, things aren't looking too good for the younger Harvelle. Dean, intently focused on his task at hand, snappishly reminds Sam that this is their one shot at offing Satan, then finally manages to jury-rig a ham radio to give Bobby a call. "We got problems!" Dean blurts the instant Bobby's responded. "Is everyone all right?" Bobby asks. "No," Dean huskily replies, barely managing to hold it together. "It's Jo, Bobby -- it's pretty bad." And with that, Dean all but becomes incapable of speech until Bobby somehow manages to snap Dean out of the latter's temporary fugue, and the conversation segues into a long-distance processing summit, during which they review their options. Of which there are, you know, few. At best. First, though, they've got to figure out why Lucifer decided to drop in on Carthage in the first place and, given the number of Reapers liberally sprinkled about the place as of late, Bobby quickly realizes The Foul Fiend intends to release The Angel Of Death. This of course would be A Very Bad Thing Indeed, for as Bobby so succinctly notes, "Last time they hauled him up, Noah was building a boat!" Bobby's also been conducting a little research, which I mention only because it is wrong. "The Angel Of Death must be brought into this world at midnight through a place of awful carnage," he explains, and the Civil War-era Battle Of Carthage was "so intense, the soldiers called it 'The Battle Of Hell Hole,'" which: No. Also: False. Also also: None of this really matters, because Lucifer's already planned an appropriately immense massacre of his own, but I do believe I'm getting ahead of myself, so I'll simply note Our Intrepid Heroes must somehow make their way to "William Jasper's farm" before midnight and leave it at that, because...

...Lucifer's still taunting My Sweet Baboo down in the derelict hotel's basement, and I'm finding that far more interesting at the moment. Well, not really, but I had to get out of that goddamned hardware store for a second. "Me too! I was feeling positively claustrophobic! [Slurp!]" In any event, Meg arrives to crow over her successful entrapment of Our Intrepid Heroes, and she shares a sufficiently creepy tender moment with her lord and master before it's time to head right back to that...

...Goddamned Conveniently Located Hardware Store. Jo's wallowing in an ocean of her own blood while Sam and Dean strategize fruitlessly down the aisle, and long story short, the younger Harvelle cuts through the crap to lay it all on the line for them: She can't move her legs, she can't be moved, her guts are being held in by an Ace bandage, and they must therefore get their priorities straight. They've got propane, wiring, iron nails, and rock salt, so to her mind, Our Intrepid Heroes' best course of action involves MacGyvering a series of homemade bombs, then opening the hardware store's doors before fleeing across the rooftops, leaving Jo alone with the trigger so she might "rip those mutts a new one." "I won't let you!" Ellen protests, tears welling up in her eyes. "This is why we're here, right?" Jo counters, staring her mother directly in the eye. "If I can get us a shot on The Devil," she continues, looking up at Dean, "we have to take it!" "No!" Ellen insists, now near weeping, but Jo grasps her hand and gently states, "Mom? This might literally be your last chance to treat me like an adult -- you might want to take it." And with that, she offers her mother a small, teasing smile. Ellen sobs but, after sharing A Look Fraught With Significance with her grievously injured daughter, she sniffles, "You heard her -- get to work!" and...

...MONTAGE! "Wheeeeee!" I do so love a good montage. "Me too! [Slurp!]" Our Intrepid Heroes load about a dozen metal buckets with salt, nails, and propane canisters, distribute those buckets around the store, then wire everything together through a series of ever-larger propane canisters until the whole thing links into the doorbell Jo's to use as a trigger, which Dean gently places into Jo's hand. "This is it," he whispers, visibly struggling to hold his emotions in check. "I'll see you on the other side," he offers in a half-hearted joke, "probably sooner than later." Jo, despite the waves of pain that continue to crash over her, responds in kind, passing him a sawed-off shotgun and cracking, "Make it later." She offers him a brave little smile, and it suddenly becomes too much for him. He leans in to press The Almighty Ducky Lips against her forehead, and beneath him, her defiantly resolute expression just crumbles, and for the briefest of moments, she lets us know she's feeling the full weight of all of her life's missed opportunities, and of all the opportunities she'll never get in the future, and I...I...I think I have something in my eye. "[Sniff!]" Oh, don't you start, too, Raoul, or I'll never

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