Now, where was I? Oh, yes: FLASHBACK! "That kid's dead!" seethes Teen Dean, referring of course to Lard-Ass. "I'm gonna rip his lungs out!" he continues to rage manfully, even as Wee Little Sammy tells him to knock it off. "It's not a big deal!" Wee Sam insists. Teen Dean disputes this, and wonders why in the hell Wee Sam didn't tear Lard-Ass apart. "Because the child's as miserable with the hand-to-hand combat as the adult?!" Raoul guesses, trying to be helpful, and while I'm happy you've taken something of an interest in Wee Sam's plight, my impressively fanged companion, I'm afraid that is not the case. "Oh, poop!" Nope, Wee Sam's apparently skilled in the martial arts, or whatever, and chose not to knee Lard-Ass's nuts to the roof of his mouth because Wee Sam doesn't "want to be the freak for once." "I want to be normal," he clarifies, and oh, boy. Do I need to go there? With what I know of his life from this point forward, do I need to go there with Wee Sam? "You do not!" Then I won't. Thanks, Raoul. "Anytime!" So, Wee Sam changes the subject, wondering when their worthless bastard of a so-called father's going to pick them up, already. Teen Dean's forced to admit Sucky John called earlier to say it'd be another week at least, and the two commiserate over the depressing news for a moment before Wee Sam reminds Teen Dean that the latter at least has that hot blonde chick to hang out with. "Doooood," Teen Dean doods. "She wants me to meet her parents." "I don't do parents," he reminds us, and while I think I remember a story about him doing an actual parent either in tandem with said parent's daughter or one right after the other, I'm too lazy to confirm it, so: Next!
Freshman English. Mr. Wyatt calls Wee Sam aside for a conference after class, and after Poor Doomed Barry hesitates heading into the hallway on his own and heartbreakingly stammers that he'll wait for his hero Wee Sam just outside the door, Wee Sam immediately apologizes for the earlier altercation with Lard-Ass, but that's not what Mr. Wyatt wants to discuss. Rather, he'd like to talk about Sam's essay. The topic, you'll remember, was "My Most Memorable Family Experience," and Wee Sam chose to turn in a paper detailing last summer's successful werewolf hunt. Ooops. Long story short, Mr. Wyatt's not angry with Wee Sam for handing in a piece of fiction for a non-fiction assignment -- he's impressed, rather, with Wee Sam's writing skills, so he's giving Wee Sam an A, and by the way, has Wee Sam ever thought about pursuing writing as a career? Sadly, Wee Sam has not, for he long ago resigned himself to following his father and older brother into "the family business." "Do you want to go into the family business?" Mr. Wyatt wonders. Wee Sam surprises himself by realizing that not only has no one ever asked him that question before, but also that the answer's no. "More than anything, no," as a matter of fact. And so, Mr. Wyatt's actually The One. As in, The One Inspiring Teacher Who Saw Potential In A Grubby Little Latchkey Kid And So Set That Grubby Little Latchkey Kid On The Shining Path To Stanford, Where A Demon With A Decades-Long Grudge Against Generations Of That Kid's Family Nailed That Kid's Entirely Innocent Girlfriend To The Ceiling With A Foot-Wide Gash Through Her Torso Right Before Blowing Her Up Just So That Kid Could One Day Lead The Armies Of Hell During The Final Battle Between Good And Evil, so naturally Adult Sam has fonder memories of Fairfax and dear old Truman High than Adult Dean does. And with that, we head into the next commercial break most contemplatively and woefully CHOMP!-less.