Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THEN! Several years ago, Our Intrepid Heroes took out a couple of badass werewolves with silver bullets to the heart. Far more recently, Darling Sammy admitted there was something really wrong with him, so Dashing El Deano beat the pretty clean off his face. My Sweet Baboo was summoned for a consult, and he quickly determined that Darling Sammy is actually Soulless Sammy, as Sam's eternal bits were somehow left behind when he was yanked from The Cage at the end of last season. Also, there are Alphas, and Crowley unmasked himself as the force behind both Soulless Sammy and Undead Zombie Grandpa's resurrections. He's also everyone's boss now, and if the boys don't do exactly what he tells them to, he'll throw Soulless Sammy back in The Cage with Lucifer, Michael, and that hapless bastard of a half-brother of theirs that no one wants to talk about anymore. Are we all caught up? Then let's do this:

Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! The camera hovers above a bar's nighttime parking lot in Buffalo, New York, to capture a silver-haired bit of Monster Chow as the gentleman strides towards his car, nattering into his cell phone at some unknown the entire way. "You gave him a bath, right?" the soon-to-be-dead gent asks, giving us the impression he's referring to his son right before demolishing said impression by continuing, "Did you take him to the park, and did he make pee-pee and poo-poo?" "Good," the gentleman nods, having apparently received the answer he was looking for. "Tell him Daddy loves him," the doting dog owner instructs, ringing off with a short, "Be home soon." Not if that thing lurking in the bushes has anything to say about it, you loser. For yes, gentle reader, as thunder crashes ominously above the doomed gentleman's head, the shot abruptly switches to Monster Cam mode, and we watch in watery black-and-white for a moment as the doomed gentleman deactivates his car alarm and unlocks the driver's-side door to crawl behind the wheel. For whatever reason, the thing in the bushes waits until the doomed gentleman is safely ensconced inside his ride before scuttling out onto the asphalt, and we're treated to a few more Monster Cam shots of the beast's progress as the thing pants and growls to itself up to the car's headlights. And as the panting and the growling increase in volume and intensity, the Monster Cam...suddenly leaps onto the hood! DUN! "What the...?" the doomed gent begins, but he chokes off his own question with a strangled cry of terror when the Monster Cam barrels through the windshield, sending shards of glass whickering through the pricey sedan's interior. The very nearly dead gent howls and wails and screams until -- wait for it -- SPLAT! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, writhing about atop his overstuffed armchair with delight as a fresh gout of arterial spray erupts to thwack wetly against the driver's-side window, and thunder crashes ever louder overhead as the now-dead gent's rapidly cooling corpse slides down out of our view, dropping into the...