Okay, we're back. "Wheeeeeee!" As the main guitar line of "Long Time" screams onto the soundtrack, the rain-streaked Impala grumbles up to the isolated all-night cement-block Sunnyside Diner. Once Dean parks in front of the tiny little place next to a run-down pickup, he strips a twenty out of his billfold and flicks it at Sam. "Don't forget the extra onions this time," Dean orders. "Dude," Sam retorts, avec bitchface, "I'm the one who's gonna have to ride in the car with your extra onions." "Not tonight, you won't!" Dammit, Raoul! Spoiler! "Hee! Sorry!" I should note that the actual opening lyrics to "Long Time" hit underneath all that -- the ones involving the ironically deceased Brad Delp almost apologetically noting he should be going as time doesn't wait, and while he wishes there was something he could say, he's gotta be on his way. Make of that what you will. In any event, just as Sam disembarks, Dean pulls out his best Cartman imitation to shout, "Hey, see if they got any pie!" Sam pauses long enough to toss his brother another massive bitchface before slamming the door behind him. Dean, undeterred, continues, "Bring me some pah!" As Sam ignores him to trudge through the light rain into the diner, Dean croons to himself, "Looove me some pie." Heh. Alone in the car, he cranks the radio up and settles back in his seat to watch Sam approach the graveyard-shift waitress with their order. Unfortunately, just as the song's about to hit its audience-participation chorus, the radio signal squeals and descends into a haze of EVP. DUN! Dean foolishly taps against the radio's casing a couple of times before realizing exactly what's going on, and he whips his head around to glare out the Impala's back window for a moment before warily examining the stands of trees just barely visible from the parking lot on either side of the car. What he should have been watching all along, however, is the diner itself, for when he finally refocuses his attention on the place, everyone -- Sam, the waitress, the pick-up truck's owner seated in one of the booths, and the short-order cook -- has disappeared. Ooops.
Dean launches himself from the car and plows through the diner's front door to find...the pick-up's owner face-down in a puddle of his own blood! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" shrieks Raoul, simply ecstatic that he's getting so much of the stuff so early in the episode after what feels like a month-long drought for it on this show. "Absolutely!" Raoul agrees. "Though I must admit, that barely touched plate of home fries and scrapple next to the trucker's luridly bloody corpse looks almost as tempting! I think I'm feeling a little peckish!" By the way, the song playing inside the diner wants to be Tammy Wynette's "Stand By Your Man" so badly that we're just going to pretend that's what it actually is, especially because that song in this context is hysterical. Though now that I think about it, given the fact this series is meant to be an ongoing horror movie set in truck-stop America, I'm shocked we haven't heard Patsy Cline's "Walking After Midnight" by now. "Oh, Patsy!" Raoul sighs, smitten, before supposing, "I bet they're saving her for Season Three!" I do hope so, my scaly friend, because they're missing out on a terrific opportunity there. "Agreed!" In any event, Dean immediately pulls an automatic out of his waistband and calls out his brother's name. He scans the still-sizzling yet abandoned grill before edging over to examine the dead trucker a little more closely, then Tough-Guy Jazz-Hands his way over towards the diner's back door. Just as he clears the counter, though, he spots in the corner of his eye...the lifeless and bloody corpses of the graveyard-shift waitress and short-order cook, sprawled on the floor beneath the grill! The waitress's fatal wound is as obscured as the trucker's was by her corpse's position, but a quick close-up on the short-order cook's glazed expression reveals a deep gash through the gentleman's throat. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Careful, hon. You don't want to shriek yourself hoarse again, now do you? "Oh, let's not pretend tonight that we haven't already seen the episode, shall we?! We both know that nothing interesting happens after this for most of the evening, and that the entire hour's simply a set-up for next week, so let me have my fun, you silly little man!" Okay, but don't come crying your crocodile-adjacent tears to me when you blow out your vocal chords just because you've forgotten all about the spectacular immolation of Harvelle's and all of the crispy critters said immolation left behind. "Eeeep! I'll be quiet now!" Thought so.