Turns out G.I. Jake managed to elude Bobby -- which, I might remind you, wouldn't have happened had Bobby just frigging shot the stupid guy -- and scurried off into the woods surrounding Cold Oak to set up camp. Of course, Our Yellow-Eyed Acquaintance has no problems tracking him down, and as Jake was the last super-special mommy-free and -having child left standing, The Ceiling Demon now has a very special task for him: To take The Fucking Colt to rural Wyoming and use its unusually shaped barrel to unlock a crypt at the center of an old cowboy boneyard, which itself is at the center of an elaborate, pentagram-shaped network of rail lines that Samuel Colt constructed in the mid-nineteenth century. The crypt, you see, is actually a portal straight down into the depths of Hell, and while earthbound demons can't cross the iron rail lines to access it, G.I. Jake can. And he does so, because he's a worthless and greedy bastard who believes The Ceiling Demon's promise that he and his family will be treated as royalty in the new world order that arises once Jake's freed The Demon's armies from the bowels of the earth, and thus he deserves to die, but we'll get to that in a second, because we've got a Dead Sammy to deal with first.
And what a photogenic corpse that Dead Sammy is! The Ginormotron spends the first thirteen minutes and twenty-five seconds of the episode laid out like Barbara O'Neil post-Sherman at Tara while Dean and Bobby argue about over the best disposition of the remains until El Deano sneaks out to a crossroads, summons a saucy little black-clad brunette, and trades his soul for Darling Sammy's life. Of course, rather than the regular ten-year deal, she forces him to accept the one-year plan, and the repercussions are almost instantaneous when Bobby immediately figures out what Dean's done and tears Our Intrepid Hero a new one out in the middle of the junkyard. The screaming and the ANGST would still be going on, I'm sure, had the fabulous Ellen Harvelle not chosen that very moment to stumble back into their lives (she was out restocking the roadhouse's supply of pretzels when everything went boom, don't you know), and after she slaps down a mysterious map of Wyoming ashy Ash left for her in the bar's safe, the four quickly set to researching, and uncover Our Yellow-Eyed Acquaintance's plan.
So, it's off to the graveyard for the season-ending showdown between The Posse Of Good and The Ceiling Demon and his minions, and while Jake does manage to unlock Hell's portal, he pays for his actions with his life when Darling Sammy finally grows a pair and plugs him full of holes. Unfortunately, several hundred demons manage to emerge through the gateway before Ellen and Bobby -- both bad-ass in the extreme -- wrestle the thing closed. Quite fortunately, one of the last of the critters to make it through is Daddy Shut Up, who wrestles with Our Yellow-Eyed Acquaintance's embarrassing CGI spume of demonic goo long enough for El Deano to regain control of The Fucking Colt, with which Dean finally, at long last, offs the monster that's been plaguing his family for the last twenty-three years. What? No, not Daddy Shut Up -- The Ceiling Demon. Sillies.
And after Daddy Shut Up erupts into a golden light and vanishes Heavenwards to join Mary in the eternal beyond, Sam figures out what Dean sacrificed and vows to help his brother out of the mess he created for himself, Bobby and Ellen remind Our Intrepid Heroes that a whole new slew of demons now need dust-busting, and El Deano quite happily accepts the challenges looming in the coming year by perking, "We got work to do!" It's going to be a very long summer hiatus.
Crackle, Crackle THE ROAD SO FAR! Again! Some more! Eh, it was better last week, so let's keep this brief, shall we? As The Kripkeeper recycles "Carry On My Wayward Son" from last season's "Salvation," we're reminded of a few things relevant to this evening's episode: The Fucking Colt That Can Kill Anything Except When It Can't; the fact that The Ceiling Demon is now in possession of said Fucking Colt; the existence of Crossroads Demons, who barter certain gifts in exchange for the eternal souls of those foolish enough to trade with them; the terms of last week's Demonic Miss America Pageant; and The Death Of The Sammy at G.I. Jake's hand, despite the fact that Darling Sammy was Our Yellow-Eyed Acquaintance's favorite in the competition. The montage isn't that bad, though, for it's absolutely littered with visual references to just about every episode this season, including Sam rescuing various nondemonic moppets during "Everybody Loves A Clown" and "Playthings," Dean bursting through Kurt's condominium door in "Heart" and deploying a little flashlight-fu behind the walls in "No Exit" before directing a shotgun blast at Jonah's spectral form in "Roadkill," Sam summoning Dead Gay Tobey during "Houses Of The Holy," both boys desecrating the movie star's grave in "Hollywood Babylon," The Frigging Genie choking Sam before Dean offs it with a tainted silver knife in "What Is And What Should Never Be," Dean blowing holes through the evil clown's spectral form, some Metallicar action shots, and Tough-Guy Jazz-Hands from "Croatoan," and Sam aerating the zombie chick's head at the end of "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things." So, you know, not a complete waste of time, but still. Not a good sign for the rest of the evening. And as Kansas gets to that bit about laying your weary head to rest, the camera cranes up above Dean cradling Sam's rapidly cooling and unnaturally enormous corpse in his arms to the point where both of the boys look impossibly small against the field of unbroken mud that surrounds them, and then, as he's encouraged not to cry no more, the camera screams in tight on Dean's face so he might bellow once more, "SAAAAAM!" and we're off to the...